In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least helps you think about something other than how much you're turned on by Shake Weight commercials.

It's not the most important job, but someone has to do it. At the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk, along with navel contemplation, it's our life's work.

This week's column takes to Fife, for which we apologize in advance.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

No one is right all the time. We all make mistakes. We all come to incorrect conclusions every once in a while, and - usually - when we do we pay the price.

The good news is, most of us are smarter than the following dips***.  When we fail we don't fail like this. It hurts less. And it's far less embarrassing. And it usually doesn't make the news.

According to a post early this week on the News Tribune's Lights & Sirens blog by Stacey Mulick - who surely had to suspect we'd eventually be ripping her off when she stumbled upon this gem - a man pulled over in Fife Tuesday on what was described as a "routine traffic stop" wrote the proverbial check his ass just couldn't cash, ending up on the wrong end of a stun gun and the epic side of criminal stupidity.

According to Mulick's post, which relied on accounts by Fife police Lt. Tom Thompson, the sorry incident started around 2:45 p.m. when an officer got behind a man (our subject) on 54th Avenue East for a traffic stop. Instead of stopping when he saw the flashing lights, however, this man had bigger plans ... plans that perhaps involved achieving greatness in the pages of Ragnet. Either way, dude wasn't stopping. Instead, he drove onto southbound Interstate 5 and was naturally followed by the officer.

See where this is going? Just wait. It gets REALLY good.

Eventually, the man pulled off the highway at the Port of Tacoma Road exit. According to Mulick's post, and more importantly Lt. Thompson, as the responding officer approached the vehicle this asshat got out of his car, started walking toward the cop, and had the gumption to utter the regrettable words, "I think I can take you."

Oh, no, he didn't.

Oh, yes, he did.

In, perhaps, the most expected development of all time, the now threatened officer pulled out his trusty Taser and told the man to back up.

Oh! We take that back! The most expected development of all time, given the lead up, is the man reportedly just kept coming.

Why do they always do that?

You know what happened next. The officer fired his stun gun.

But the man just kept coming.

So the officer fired again.

This time, the man went down.

Turns out he couldn't take the officer. Not even close, in fact.

Police officers carry Tasers, you know. ...

Oh, oh, oh! We take it all back. The most expected development of all time is this: after the arrest, officers discovered the man had a suspended driver's license and a pocket full of suspected methamphetamines.

Just another beautiful day in Fife. - Toothless Tom, Meth Related Crime Correspondent