STRIKE ONE

Usually here at Cup Check the recipe is fairly straightforward; you know what to expect. I spend about 45 minutes wading through sports stories (usually) written by real journalists, about dumb and/or funny things that have recently happened in the world of athletics. Then I highlight the dumbest and/or funniest things I find, throwing in a few sophomoric jokes along the way for good measure.

This week, however, I figured, why not throw a curveball? Why not start this week's column with a story that has nothing to do with Allen Iverson getting a speeding ticket, Jalen Rose bombing a field sobriety test or Jay Cutler pouting during sex?

Why not start this week's column with some uplifting news for a change?

OK then ...

According to a story on ESPN.com, San Francisco Giants catcher Buster Posey (whose baby face helped drive last year's World Series television ratings) has a pretty talented family. He's not the only Posey who can swing a bat.

ESPN reports that Posey's sister, Samantha - a third baseman for the Valdosta State Blazers softball team - hit for the home-run cycle earlier this week, collecting a solo shot, a two-run homer, a three-run homer and a grand slam over the course of a doubleheader with Albany State. She wasn't aware of the feat until after the game when approached by reporters from the Valdosta Daily Times.

"I did not know that. That's pretty cool. I felt really good," the Valdosta Daily Times quotes Posey as saying.

STRIKE TWO

Happy now? You got a teaspoon of heartwarming news ... ready for the regularly scheduled Cup Check programming?

The Associated Press reports this week that the lawyer for a University of Alabama football fan charged with poisoning historic, 130-year-old oak trees at Auburn University's "Toomer's Corner" - where Auburn fans have celebrated football victories for decades by throwing toilet paper into the branches of the trees - attempted to broker a plea deal in hopes of keeping his 62-year-old client out of jail, but prosecutors have rejected the idea.

As you may recall, Harvey Updyke Jr. was charged with first-degree criminal mischief in the poisoning of the trees at Toomer's Corner earlier this year. If convicted Updyke faces from one to 10 years in prison. According to the Associated Press story, Updyke has admitted to calling a radio show on Jan. 27 and saying he poisoned the historic trees with a herbicide known as "Spike 80DF," but Updyke's lawyer contends his client has told authorities he was not responsible for the poisonings.

Most damming in all of this? Well, taking nothing away from the alleged tree poisoning, perhaps the most disturbing element of the entire story risks being lost. Updyke has children named Crimson Tyde and Bear, named after legendary Alabama football coach Bear Bryant.

Creepy.

STRIKE THREE

How'd you like to be quarterback Ryan Mallett these days? Sure, you'd almost certainly be on the verge of a multi-million dollar contract with whatever team elects to take a chance on you in next week's NFL draft, but you'd also be the target of scrutiny the likes of which would make most kids who went to the University of Arkansas crumble.

Oh, OK. Anyone from the state of Arkansas crumble.

ESPN's Adam Schefter reports that Mallett's agent, J.R. Carroll, went into damage control mode this week after word got out that Mallett had been forced to cancel meetings earlier this month with the Carolina Panthers due to an undisclosed "illness."  Reports soon began to circulate that Mallett had been out drinking hardcore the night before the scheduled meetings, thus causing the "illness" - an idea that was able to gain steam given Mallett's 2009 arrest for public intoxication. Schefter reports that Carroll vehemently denies this notion.

"I'm pretty sure Ryan was really, really sick," ESPN quotes Carroll as saying. "He told me he was sick the night before. And I know Ryan wasn't out late (that) night. I know that for sure. He's not an idiot."

In fairness to Mallett, two things should be noted - and they're related.

Becoming ill and binge drinking are both accepted ways to deal with the possibility of becoming a Carolina Panther.

Give the kid a break.

DUMB JOCK OF THE WEEK

Soccer may be worldly, but that doesn't mean they make soccer players any brighter.

That's why the Dumb Jock of the Week award goes to Carlton Cole this time around, a striker with West Ham United of England's Premiere League. Cole was recently fined $32,800 for a "joke" on Twitter that went horribly wrong.

According to the Associated Press, prior to an exhibition match against Ghana last month scheduled at Wembley Stadium, Cole used Twitter to suggest the match was actually a ruse by the British government to find illegal immigrants. Although he soon deleted the Tweet, that wasn't enough to make up for it being an incredibly dumb thing to do in the first place.