STRIKE ONE

So, the time has come for another installment of Cup Check ...

Timeout!

Oh, wait! They're not giving it to me ... Crap. Seems the referee made it to five. Looks like I'll just have to lose possession of this column right off the bat and deal with it. Talk about crappy officiating.

Really, though, it could be worse. I could be University of Connecticut head women's basketball coach Geno Auriemma, who was forced Tuesday to slog through a home NCAA Tournament game in front of what ESPN described as a "half empty" (why not "half full"?) arena on the way to his team's 18th straight Sweet 16 appearance. UConn ended up beating Purdue 64-40 in the contest, which also marked the last home hame of Maya Moore's collegiate career. Historically the team has experienced success with Moore, having won 112 of its past 113 games and the past two Division I national championships.

"I think it's probably natural. I guess we need to win more," an obviously sarcastic Auriemma was quoted by ESPN as saying after the game.

"We have a spoiled group of fans who assume we are going to win, who assumed we would be in Philadelphia (for the regionals) and be at the final four," he continued. "... So I think we don't bid on (hosting the NCAA first round) for five years."

That'll teach ‘em.

STIKE TWO

Hey! Anyone out there ever wonder what TJ Duckett has been up to since the Seahawks abruptly cut his ass two seasons ago, in the height of the Jim Mora Jr. era? Ever, just once, muse about what the beefy former NFL running back had been doing since his playing days came to an end? At the very least, didn't you at least once pine to exclaim, "Ah, f*** it! It's TJ Duckett!" after a one-yard loss once during last year's Seahawks campaign?

Well, even if you NEVER wondered what TJ Duckett has been up to since cutting ties with the Seahawks, turns out it wasn't much ... unless, I suppose, you write for the Huffington Post and find yourself desperate for some sort of sports-related content.

According to a Monday story by the Huffington Post's Carly Gills, Duckett, described as an "American football running back" (obviously she's never seen him play) had been growing his current beard since 2009, the same year Seattle let him go. After participating in various other "cut your beard for a good cause" charitable events throughout his career, Duckett apparently decided - even after football - that facial hair growth and removal would be his path to philanthropy. Duckett was scheduled to cut off nearly two years of growth Tuesday for the Ingham Regional Healthcare Foundation, near his home in Lansing, Michigan, and the Cuts for Cancer charity.

So, it begs the question: How much would you pay to see former "American football running back" TJ Duckett shave off his beard?

My guess is a lot less than the $14 million the Seahawks originally signed him for.

STRIKE THREE

The list of moronic athlete interviews over the ages is too long to recount. Professional athletes are good at stuff like whacking balls, tackling people, running and roughing up prostitutes. Mastery of communication and the English language is often simply too much to expect.

Still, recently-sentenced-to-six-months-of-probation Lawrence Taylor provided one of the most idiotic interviews in the history of mankind earlier this week, in an appearance on the much respected news talk show (note: sarcasm) Studio B with Shepard Smith, which airs on Fox News. Taylor, who rose to stardom with the New York Giants (and plenty of crack cocaine) in the '80s, pled guilty earlier this year to sexual misconduct and patronizing a 16-year-old prostitute.

"It's the world of prostitution," Taylor said during the Fox interview. "You never know what you're gonna get. Is it gonna be a pretty girl, an ugly girl or whatever it's gonna be."

This can be taken as nothing but a sign of how far Taylor has fallen. Something tells me during his heyday, he never ended up with "an ugly" one.

"I don't card them. I don't ask for birth certificates," Taylor went on to say.

Keep this in mind, prostitutes of America.

DUMB JOCK OF THE WEEK

The NFL may be engaged in a lockdown, or lockout, or a rich guy pissing contest too disgusting and involving too many big numbers for most decent hardworking sports fans to stomach, but that doesn't mean current NFL players aren't out there making headlines.

Take, for instance, Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant, the recipient of this week's Dumb Jock of the Week award.

It seems Bryant was "ejected" from an upscale Dallas shopping mall and given a criminal trespass warning from an off duty police officer Saturday, March 19 - an altercation that, according to ESPN, stemmed mainly from the "sagging pants" worn by Bryant and his entourage.

However, Bryant did tell ESPN that his pants were ACTUALLY not "sagging," but some of his friends' pants were.

This is all very stupid, of course, but the really dumb part of it all has to do with the multi-million dollar professional athlete's history at this particular upscale Dallas shopping mall. According to ESPN, Bryant has had several incidents at the mall, including a situation where police were forced to intervene after the wide receiver cut in line (seriously?), and a "major disturbance" at one of the mall's restaurants.

Classy stuff.