The first time Aisha Barnett's husband went to Iraq it seemed as though the children put in most of the effort in maintaining a relationship with their father. The children made cards, goofy art projects and goodies to send to dad.
Hunter, 9, and Kendall, 6, are now enduring Sgt. Adam Barnett's second deployment with 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, but this time, Dad is putting as much effort into building a relationship while being gone.
Aisha said she stumbled upon a book called "Dads at a Distance: An Activities Handbook for Strengthening Long Distance Relationships" and took it home to Adam just a few months before he deployed. The results, she said, have been stimulating for the children.
"At first, my husband was following the book verbatim," she said. "But now, I'm noticing he's getting really creative and coming up with his own ideas, and it's just great. Last time when he came home, the kids seemed to favor me, and it really hurt his feelings. Now, I think they'll be ready to have some one-on-one time with Dad when he comes back in October."
The book, designed for fathers who travel or are frequently away from their children, is published by A&E Family Publisher. It has a variety of recommendations, from contacting a local radio station and dedicating a song to your child to sending them a jar of M&Ms with the exact number of days until you return.
Aisha said some of her husband's ideas are necessarily easy for him to do from the desert.
"There have been a few that he's needed my help with," she said. "Adam's frequently able to get on the Internet and talk to us over the Web cam. So he'll ask what book Hunter is reading and have me e-mail a chapter to him. I'll wake up Hunter and let him sit with his dad so they can read the chapter together."
Aisha said she often includes some special request items in care packages sent to Iraq.
"He asked me to send him a Barbie and a GI Joe. I didn't really want to know why," she said. "But he took pictures of him playing with the dolls and then mailed Kendall the Barbie and said he was keeping the GI Joe. He promised the dolls would be reunited to play when he comes home."
Ultimately, the book just catalyzed Adam's creativity, Aisha said.
"I think he's really putting in a lot more effort this time around, and I really think the benefits are going to be really positive," she said.
Both Hunter and Kendall are concentrating much better in school this time, and disciplinary issues have been almost nonexistent during this deployment. The best benefit, though, is to give the children a little bit of excitement while Adam is gone, Aisha said.
"I get excited all the time, because I never know what he's going to do," Hunter said. "It makes me happy that he's always thinking about me."
An unexpected benefit is the strength it's providing to the couple's marriage.
"I was pretty depressed last time he went, but this time has been a lot easier," Aisha said. "I find myself looking forward to the little things he's doing for the kids, and it makes me smile. I think it makes me love Adam even more."
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