On first inspection, Wayne's Inn of Puyallup is nothing more than a dive bar.  A dark interior lit with sports television and neon signs. Surly bartenders pouring stiff drinks. For specials: cheap tall cans of beer. Even the ancient wood paneling emits an aroma of barbecued food and stale cigarettes.

But if Wayne's Inn is a dive bar, then why is Ludacris blaring from all the speakers? Why are there platinum-blonde broads dressed in their Sunday's skimpiest chatting away at every table? And if Wayne's Inn is a dive bar, why then, for the love of God, have I been standing in line for 20 minutes waiting to order a drink? 

I voice my complaint to the gentleman in front of me wearing a sleeveless T-shirt with the name Dirty Sanchez printed across the back. 

"Yeah bro," he says. "Go outside. There's no line out there if you're cool with just beer."

Following Mr. Sanchez's advice, I head outside. A large patio serves as both the smoker's hideout and main dance floor. A metal tub filled with bottled beer operates as the outdoor bar. DJ House Arrest (or Josh, as I heard one bouncer call him) spins the latest up on the stage, much to the delight of the young ladies dancing not-so-eloquently below.

After two quick trips to the beer tub, I push through the crowd and head to the dance floor. I move awkwardly for a song or two, finding it difficult to break through the perimeter of stumbling, provocative, yet strangely standoffish drunk girls. I ease away from the dancing, and on my way back to the beer tub, step in a large pile of vomit.

Two ladies have snuck into the crowded men's room where I'm now running handfuls of paper towels under a faucet. They make no secret of their presence, screaming back and forth to each other. "Oh my God Julie, there's piss everywhere. This is fucking disgusting. Oh my God."

Yes Julie, your friend is right. This is disgusting. No matter how hard I scrub, this kind of puke won't come out.

Wayne's Inn

11 a.m. to midnight Sunday-Tuesday, 11-2 a.m. Wednesday-Saturday
1902 E. Main, Puyallup
253.848.3466