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The Cocktail Draper-O-Meter

Famed adman comments on new drinks in Tacoma

Movie Star 9 at The Social Bar and Grill. Photo credit: Pappi Swarner

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What's so cosmopolitan about a cosmopolitan? It's not as though the name corresponds to any of the concoction's inherent qualities (in fact, given its hue, "redneck" would make for a more ?tting moniker). Ditto the countless other cocktails whose appellations' origins remain obscure, from the Greyhound to the Rusty Nail. No wonder we're just as likely to associate a drink's name with the personality and/or mood of its drinker. For instance, what do you make of the guy who orders a Bronx versus the one who orders a Slippery Nipple? What if each guy were a gal? What if he/she were you - in what circumstances can you picture yourself asking for a Pink Lady or a Sloe Comfortable Screw? Keeping such questions in mind, I checked out new cocktails from a few of my favorite local haunts. And who better to analyze names than Don Draper? I ran each drink through the Draper-O-Meter, in which the famed adman alcoholic added his opinion.

CUCUMBER LEMON COLLINS, Dirty Oscar's (2309 Sixth Ave., Tacoma): This is an early peak into Dirty Oscar's summer cocktail menu, in which cocktails will be paired with dishes - both in celebration of the warmer climate. The menu is tentatively scheduled to drop this week. The Dirty Oscar's mastermind management has spun a Tom Collins by taking Tanqueray Ten and mixing it with muddle cucumber, lemon and tonic for a delicious treat. Tom Collins originated in England around 1830. But its original name was the John Collins (today a John Collins is a Tom Collins in which whiskey replaces gin). By the time Jerry Thomas, author of one of the earliest authoritative books on American Cocktails, included the drink in the 1876 edition of his Bartender's Guide, the drink had become the Tom Collins. Will you go mad for one of these refreshing cocktails? Let's run it through the Draper-O-Meter:

"You think that's cute?"

HEMINGWAY, Maxwell's Speakeasy (454 St. Helens Ave., Tacoma): Those who have read The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway know its takes place in Paris (and other locales in Europe) during American alcohol prohibition. The characters are always drinking and it seems everything is mixed with soda - surprisingly, the way the author likes to drink his whiskey. Having just finished the book, I felt inspired to hang out at Tacoma's Prohibitionesque speakeasy, Maxwell's. With the Kareem Kandi Band blasting the joint with be-bop, and the chandeliers all a glow, I was equally pleased to find a Hemingway-inspired drink named the Hemingway. A twist on the author's beloved whiskey and soda, Maxwell's tasty version takes Jack Daniels Honey Whiskey, muddles it with English cucumber and adds dry vanilla soda and agave. How will the Draper-O-Meter treat the Hemingway?:

"I'm not your boyfriend."

MOVIE STAR 9, The Social Bar and Grill (1715 Dock St., Tacoma): According to Social bartender Cecil, the Movie Star 9 cocktail is a spinoff of the popular Porn Star drink. I don't see it. The Movie Star 9 tastes a thousand times better. The star ingredient is Domaine de Canton ginger liqueur - a ginger-infused spirit unveiled in 2007 and patterned after a 150-year-old infusion of handpicked baby ginger, Tahitian vanilla, Provencal orange blossom honey and sugarcane blended with VSOP Cognac. At the Social, Cecil mixes it with Cointreau, citrus vodka, basil and house sour. What does the Draper-O-Meter say after Movie Star 9 runs through it?:

"Get out of my office."

LINK: South South Happy Hour App

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