"Hipster" is such a loaded word, and one that I'm generally opposed to. For the purposes of this article, however, I will use it constantly.

Depending on who you ask, it could mean anything from Day-Glo-loving rich kids who are up on the latest fashions and look down upon those who aren't (me); or it could refer to Goodwill-bin-diving, garage-rock-listening bohemians who look down on those who have worse taste (me). The unifying theme, I think, is an embrace of irony and anachronistic fashion and music.

Another hallmark of a hipster is they refuse to be identified as hipsters. So, rest assured, this article is not for you. Or me.

It seems only natural the Puyallup Fair (or, probably, any local fair) would be ideal hipster-bait. All of the hilariously out-of-date prizes to be won (Backstreet Boys posters; cheap, purple, stuffed bears; inflatable saxophones, etc.) and the quaint crafts stations to be visited practically beg for ironic adulation.

Without further ado, here are some bits of advice for approaching the Puyallup Fair like the hipster you totally aren't:

Games

I worked as a Games Operator (read: carny asshole) at the fair a few years back. Standing in the dusty, hot, smelly midway, one of my only reasons for living was to fuck with people who dared to play my game. I relished the opportunity to call teenagers "pussies" for not being able to toss a rubber ball into a tiny hoop. All carnies want nothing more than to mess with you, and are encouraged to do so.

Engage them!

Hipsters (there's that word again!) love antiquated forms of communication, and there are few activities quite as old-fashioned as carnies badgering and enraging costumers into spending far too much money in an attempt to win a lousy prize for their unimpressed girlfriend.

Being unable to afford rent is a small price to pay for the novel experience of being a sucker.

Rides

Haunted houses are where it's at for maximum hipster enjoyment. Cozy up tight with a friend in a rickety car and allow a giant mechanical spider to spray you in the face with suspicious water. The only question is whether you should feign terror or loudly talk shit about the ride in front of legitimately frightened children. The choice is yours!

You may also want to hit up the Big Slide and its relatives. Nothing says "I can make fun out of burlap" more than the Big Slide.

As for bigger thrills, pass up the relatively new and safe rollercoasters and head straight for the Monster Mouse. It feels like it was built sometime in the Industrial Revolution. With each shaky corner you barely turn, consider the possibility that this ride may be better housed in some sort of museum.

Entertainment

Boy oh boy, are you hipsters lucky this year. Amidst all of the rote concerts from Heart, Bret Michaels, Kid Rock and Uncle Kracker (he's still alive!), is a concert from two gods in the world of ironic, meta-appreciation. I speak, of course, of Messrs. Darryl Hall and John Oates.

They come to Puyallup on the wings of their "Do What You Want, Be What You Are Tour 2010." This phrase occupies well the mind-bending, quantum state of the hipster. It simultaneously signifies the implicit rallying cry of the hipster ("I'm just expressing my individuality") and the inherent fallacy of the hipster ("doing what I want and being who I am requires being what everyone else wants and is").

Er, but never mind. Hall & Oates are cheesy and fun and you can dance to them. I get it. That's what's tough about this year's lineup. The show that is easiest to appreciate in an ironic way is probably also the best show, period.

Finding the Exit

Reflect, on your way out, that having fun at a fair is completely normal. It's what connects you to your childhood - to the person you were before you had taste or judgments.

And remember: no one leaves the fair before pissing in a trough, no matter how tight your jeans are.

Puyallup Fair

Sept. 10-26, $9-$11
Puyallup Fair Grounds, 110 Ninth Ave. S.W., Puyallup
253.841.5045
Website