My poor, poor sister-in law. The phrase, "Come have a few drinks with me" has come out of my mouth quite often when in her presence, and I'm not quite sure if she loves me or hates me for it all.  Just about every family event ends in frantic persuasion, fueled by my intense necessity to throw down a few drinks with her in tow.  Not that she fights the requests, mind you, but her concern for my liver has probably grown in epic proportions over the last few years - as has my impending cirrhosis, no doubt.

What my sister-in-law didn't show concern about were the massive booths lining Captain Nemo's sunken bar area, the gritty dance floor, the flashy retro disco ball or the faux plastic/fabric upholstery that adorns each and every swiveling captain's chair.  Her husband made the brilliant observation that Captain Nemo's interior remarkably resembles a 1986 RV.  I chuckled and ordered my first of three incapacitating drinks.

Drink One: Super Long Beach (bartender's choice) - Bartender Jason immediately informed me of what he meant by "super" in the title of his drink choice: many top shelf liquors.  As per the usual, given the opportunity to have free reign over a customer's drink, a bartender will take advantage of the amount of liquor used in the drink - therefore raising the price of said drink.  Can't say I blame the man, he knew what he was doing. 

Doing me a favor, that is.

Drink Two: Fireball Whiskey (most popular within the last hour) - See?  I told you he knew what he was doing!  I love a good, spicy drink.  Although he served it to me in classic straight-up form, I imagined one day enjoying this beverage on the rocks, slowly spinning in my retro swivel-chair, with Tom Bergeron narrating my every sip America's Funniest Home Videos style. 

Drink Three: Skinny Girl Margarita (my choice) - Patron Silver, Grand Marnier, the juice of four fresh lime wedges and ice.  Simple and pure - yet mind-numbingly lethal.  After the previous two drinks, this cocktail sealed the deal on my ability to form coherent sentences.  What the combination did allow me to do, however, was annoyingly demonstrate exactly how many butchered accents I could say "Tom Bergeron" in without someone punching me in the face. 

C'mon, try it!  Tom Bergeron.  Trust me, the Speedy Gonzales version is the best.

[Captain Nemo's, 4020 Bridgeport Way W., University Place, 253.564.6460]