People have been holding a raging hot iron to my ass for some time now, telling me I need to get said ass to at Kamel Toe Bar and Grill. All the dive bar signs were there, giving me a mix of both scared and excited feelings rushing through my loins: It's in Spanaway (Sorry, Spanaway folks, but you must realize that you're known for your dive bars); it offers free pole dancing lessons, hosts classic rock tribute bands, and is named Kamel Toe. This was a no-brainer; I had to go. 

But it wasn't until I pushed Kamel Toe's front doors open and witnessed the glory before me that I comprehended exactly how awesome the joint was. I saw poles; huge, pink, furry swings; a couch-filled make-out area; and bras stapled randomly along the walls. All that was missing was my ass on one of the barstools.

Drink one (bartender's choice): Rabbit's Ruby Red - Rabbit, former Hob Nob bartender, is a cool cat who didn't flinch, seem concerned, or even hesitate when I asked him to make me any drink he wanted.  He didn't care to ask, "Why?" or, "What's it for?"  He did, however (thankfully), ask, "Are you driving?"  I wussed out and answered, "Yes," which was a lie.  I just didn't want him getting me too f***ed up right off the bat.  My designated driver looked at me and shook his head in disappointment. Oh, shut up and work the pole or something, would ya?

Drink two (most popular drink within last hour): Bud Light - Dear Three Drink Minimum Gods, THANK YOU. I love Bud Light, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  Rabbit's Ruby Red was delicious, but that damned Bud Light tasted like an ice-cold bottle of liquid ecstasy.  With Kamel Toe's regular Thursday open jam (think Rockaraoke) blaring in the background, my Bud Light and I felt an attraction to each other like never before. I think the bottle and I might've even spooned a little, much to my designated driver's embarrassment.

Drink three (my choice): Orange Julius - I let Rabbit pick this one too, and I do not regret it at all. I do, however, regret having to explain to Mr. DeRosa where all the Bud Light shaped hickies on my neck came from. That Bud Light sure is a dirty, dirty whore. - Steph DeRosa

[Kamel Toe Bar and Grill, 14411 Pacific Ave., Spanaway, 253.536.1533]