The servers at HG Bistro are going to want to strangle me for saying this, but when someone insists that I don't ever bring something up again - you know I simply must bring it up again. Here it goes: HG Bistro used to be Hungry Goose, a doily-filled, knick-knack gift shop with a standard menu, known as a place for retired Puyallup citizens to lunch. 

But times have changed. The floors inside HG Bistro are a gorgeous stamped concrete, and the rest of HG's rustic décor surrounds you as though you're visiting a street café in Italy.  The menu looked fantastic, and I opted to try my usual favorite - the hummus plate.  Sorry, HG, but Doyle's and Top of Tacoma still hold two of the top ranks upon my gradually forming list of "Top 10 Hummus Plates".  On the plus side, dammit if HG's drinks weren't just about as mind-numbing as Corey Haim's daily prescription regimen. 

Too soon?  Nah.

Drink One: Cherry Bomb (bartender's choice) - I've broken one of the Three Drink Minimum cardinal rules: forgetting my server's name.  I very easily could have written it down, but why would I want to take notes? What am I, a secretary?  I was here to drink, not stifle what Women's Lib worked so hard to achieve. 

Although, if my editor slaps me on the ass and utters the phrase "fetch me some coffee, doll" one more time, I swear I'm going to blow up. 

In other non-feminist news: Jake or John or Jack or whatever my server's name was made me the most delicious, cherry-flavored lemon drop martini-looking drink I've ever had. 

Drink Two: Blue Moon beer (most popular drink within last hour) - UGH.  Blue Moon: the dressed up Coors Light.  What can I say? 

Fortunately, my server was hot.

Drink Three: Spanish Coffee (my choice) - As my server came around the corner cradling about four large bottles of liquor, I squinted at him in confusion.  Bottle by bottle he set them down on my table with a smile on his face.  When he left, I pondered the array of alcohol in front of me, only to witness him return moments later with a blowtorch, my coffee mug filled with 151, and some whipped cream.  I couldn't help but do what I always do when a hot guy gets me drunk and then brings me whipped cream aside a flame-producing device.

I got out my video camera. 

[HG Bistro, 1618 East Main, Puyallup, 253.845.5747]