No polite, legitimate, non-douchey business owner cares what race you are, what religion you fall victim to, or if you make your money workin' the pole in stilettos with a fishbowl in the heel - as long as you're spending that money in their establishment.  Thankfully, the people at Primo Grill also have little concern for my hygiene, because they let me in wearing workout clothes covered in the putrid scent of dried sweat and dog hair. 

In order to not offend any Primo Grill guests, Bandito Betty suggested we hide at the bar, and sit right in the middle of the six stools.  You see, by sitting in the middle you force any late arriving parties of two or more to sit elsewhere.  And if there happened to be any single yahoos who dared face the retched scent of my body by sitting within close range - well, that was going to be their own damn problem. 

Drink One: Mojito (bartender's choice) - Thirst quenching and liberating, to say the least.  To those smoothie joints next to our gyms that have these so called "juice drinks," or "healthy six packs," (you know the places I'm talking about) I say to you: Pish-posh! Serve Mojitos, for they have juice, too!  Let the medicinal herb of mint win over your blood stream and let the vodka give you that post-workout boost your body truly craves. And needs. I feel a trend coming on in the form of inebriated weight loss, and I'm going to see it through.  As a matter of fact, I might as well go ahead and create the Facebook fan page right now.

Drink Two: Blood Orange Martini (most popular drink within last hour) - Once again, I let the nutritional value of blood oranges filter out all the bad juju that had been held hostage in my bones for all those years. Or at least, for the past half-hour.  I don't really have that bad of a juju problem, I swear.    

Drink Three: El Diablo Coffee Drink (my choice) - Consider this drink the post-workout therapeutic massage that did me in.  Like a shifty, illegal masseuse - I was beaten up, stripped of all my money, and left with nothing short of a "happy ending." - Steph DeRosa

[Primo Grill, 601 S. Pine St., Tacoma, 253.838.7000]