I don’t know how my name appeared on the list but I dined recently with some of the South Sound’s beautiful (and rich) people. You know, the ones that chat about their tennis club, private schools their children attend, and their plans to visit Europe … basically laughing in the face of a recession.

The occasion afforded me (no pun intended) the opportunity to dine in Maxwell’s Speakeasy + Lounge’s private room, which sits directly above the main dining room at the corner of Sixth Avenue and St. Helens in downtown Tacoma. The evening started with hors d’oeuvres by the fireplace in a cozy living room slash den-like space shared with the Walker Condominiums. The deep woods, marble accents and glitter told me I wasn’t at the Sizzler anymore. The conversation proved stimulating, fun even (rich people have interesting stories) — nicely accentuated by cozy couches, leather chairs, a roaring fire, and nibbles.

Beyond the front room, a couple of turns toward the back opens into a larger dining space with several round tables and two long tables that stretch along the windows. The room feels fairly modest. At the far end a mini bar stands with premium bottles at the ready. Frankly, the mood works well during the holidays, but I’d imagine equally well on a hot summer evening seeing the windows catch glimpses of Commencement Bay. In the summer, the draft from the windows might not be an issue either. In the winter, especially the week we are having, the wind-chill inside sent those with their backs against the windows into hypothermia drills. Couples literally cozied up to each other to share body warmth (awkward when someone forgot boy, girl, boy, girl). If recession proof people invite you there, be the first to say “no nose” on a window seat (though I don’t know if rich people know that game).

Back in the living room before dinner as guests arrived, displayed on two high tables, Maxwell’s offered a large tray of premium Italian meats — sinfully fatty and accompanied by sweet stone ground mustard and sourdough slices. Another tray housed crisp crostini bread, olives and spreads.

The service proved excellent, however, drinks didn’t flow in the living room especially quick. Maxwell’s also refuses to stock Southern Comfort, which pisses me off (sorry, gets my dandruff up).

After conversations about business, adoptions, personal trainers, country clubs, and growing up a redneck in Idaho (see, I’m not that different), the crowd eagerly filed into the dining room for dinner.

Prior to the day, diners choose through our intermediary their main course selection — a choice between cod or a pork chop. My wife went one direction, I took the other — I lost.
My wife’s cod tasted divine — moist and buttery with a simple sweet sauce. My pork, on the other hand, landed dry on my plate. Not a drop of juice to be had. I suppose getting 12 or so chops out of the kitchen at the same time and walked upstairs sucks the moisture out of a chop or two. I know how the rich keep their feelings in tight, so I didn’t compare pork notes with anyone else — maybe I automatically earned the pauper portion — they say you can pick the non blue bloods out of a crowd.

It was all part of a package for $64 that included a salad, main course choice between two selections and dessert. A couple of servers worked our packed room of roughly 24 people, providing drinks during the gathering portion and followed through with orders and more drinks inside. One of the couples attending also brought in a case of wine, which was more than generous.

The salad that precedes the meal also delighted my taste buds with a great mix of fresh salad leaves and beets. The brownie with a dollop of vanilla ice cream at the end … eh.
The experience as a whole, you ask? I’m sorry, do I KNOW you?

[Maxwell’s Speakeasy + Lounge, 454 St. Helens, Tacoma, 253.683.4115]