Y’know, being a half-inch-tall train conductor at the Washington State History Museum has its perks. I mean, I could eat for months off Snickerdoodle crumbs dropped by people coming through to see the 13th Annual Model Train Festival. Every floor of the museum is going to be filled with what you people call “miniature” model trains, though I’m not sure what to think about this Lego stuff. Seriously, can you people work on the colors? I almost went blind last week taking a train through Lego Land.



I guess I should be used to it by now. I mean, we do this thing every year. I knew we were ready to go when the Museum’s adorable public relations coordinator brought some oaf that looked like a Hell’s Kitchen bouncer through to take pictures of my home town.



My home town looks like 1950s North Tacoma, only it’s made of all sorts of balsa wood and polyresins and glue, and it smells better. Someone told me that it was built by the Puget Sound Model Railroad Engineers, who we pray to every night before bed. The old drunk that lives by the old Brown & Haley manufacturing facility on 25th Street says it’s the largest permanent model train layout in the state. When I take tourists through, they’re amazed at the accuracy with which the PSMRE reproduced the big version of Tacoma. Whatever. I’ll be excited when we get a Fatburger and a decent jazz lounge.



If I’m lucky, they’ll let me out at night to take some of the locals on a tour of some of the exhibits. I have to be careful, though. Last year I got a little tipsy on egg nog, and plowed an old Timken Four Acres into a church. Don’t ask how I got it off the tracks. I don’t remember. Thank God the Museum staff keeps some Super Glue around.

In preparation for my touring schedule, I took a quick run around this year’s offerings, right after I cooked up a batch of really Little Smokies on toothpicks and made some apricot home-brew for my passengers.



This year’s event will host the 4D PNR HO Modular Group, Kid’s Play G-Scale, Mary’s Big Circus Mount Rainier N-Scale, Pierce County Lionel Club, Tacoma Northwestern Model Railroad Club, a Lego holiday display by TrainBuilder Productions and a Playmobil display by Steven Goldenbogen. Apparently they’re inviting kids to build their own trains out of Legos and have activities planned to keep all the terrible creatures busy. For us “miniature” folk, the only thing worse than a six-year-old is a cat. Don’t be surprised to witness appearances of local celebrities like Thomas the Tank Engine, who is kind of a lush, in case you didn’t know.



Also be warned — there seems to be a Christmas theme this year, with towns festooned in red, green, silver and white. I guess it must be Christmas.



Taking a run around a few of these things, I have to hand it to some of these guys. There are some brilliant architects among them, and they all seem to have put their heart and soul into recreating a world that seems to have been forgotten. When everyone drives cars, I guess it’s easy to forget about trains — especially tiny ones.



From where I sit, all this stuff looks a little janky. But listening in on conversations between you giants, I understand that the attention to detail and care shown by this year’s exhibitors is a thing to be admired. I guess detail and beauty is all a matter of perspective. The model train extravaganza begins Dec. 26 and runs through Jan. 3. Festival activities included with paid admission. The museum will open from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. during the festival. There will also be extended hours and free admission Thursday, Jan. 1, from 5-8 p.m.



[Washington State History Museum, Model Train Festival, Dec. 26-Jan. 3, $6-$8, 5 and younger free, $25 families, 1911 Pacific Ave. Tacoma, 888.238.4373]