I’m not a fan of excuses, but I figure I’ve got one this week if I want it. If you’ve perused the cover story in this, the latest version of the Weekly Volcano, you know I’ve recently spent a rather large amount of time researching the legal hallucinogen salvia — and even smoking the stuff (just once).



It’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it. Something tells me I’m one of very few people on the Weekly Volcano payroll lining up to ingest psychoactive drugs in the name of journalism. Or in the name of something. Call it journalism if you like.



So, if I was distracted this week, and say, wanted to split Rock Rhetoric up between two completely different subjects, I think my editors would understand. I think people would cut me some slack if my attention span was  shorter this week.



I’m not a fan of excuses, but what the hell. I’ll take it. This week’s Rock Rhetoric will cover a couple of topics.

Cookie Mongoloid

As I learned once again this year at SXSW, sometimes a live performance isn’t all about the sound. Sometimes it’s more about the “show” than the show. Sometimes a band’s theatrics and energy on stage are enough to carry everything. Monotonix drove this point home in Austin (note: They’ll be playing Bumbershoot this year), and something tells me Cookie Mongoloid will do the same this Friday the 13th at Hell’s Kitchen.



Cookie Mongoloid just happens to be one of the most genius gimmick bands of all time — perhaps the best ever.



Picture Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster, decked out in leather and looking for trouble, fronting a speed metal band made up of badass “gender mixed” rockers, and accompanied by bizarre Sesame Street sluts toting less-than-lethal cookie cannons. Imagine this surly mix of freaks and their cooking loving,  furry, blue, googly-eyed frontman cranking the amps to 11 and tearing through all your childhood favorites — everything from “C Is for Cookie,” to “Up and Down” to the classic “The Number 6.”



This is what San Francisco’s Cookie Mongoloid has in store for Hell’s Kitchen this Friday the 13th. If you’re not too good for gimmick bands (otherwise known as a no fun, elitist ass), there’s no way you’ll want to miss this show.



As if to prove they’ve got more than one joke up their Sesame Street sleeves, Cookie Mongoloid released their latest record, Blood + Cookies in a studded leather CD case. Reportedly, the album contains the catchy number “Me Lost Me Cookie in the Mosh Pit,” which reportedly goes a little something like this:



Me so angry and so me slam/How this happen me no understand/Maybe get cookie back but me not know/Maybe never find out where me cookie go/Me lost me cookie in the mosh pit/Me lost me cookie in a sea of slamming/Me lost me cookie in the mosh pit/Me want it back/Me want it back



 If that’s not genius, I don’t know what is.

Top Heavy Crush needs a drummer

When it was announced that Velvet Revolver had axed frontman Scott Weiland at the end of their most recent tour, it seemed like a safe assumption to figure bassist Duff McKagan would find himself with more time for projects like Loaded, which is something like Duff’s personalized sports car that he gets to take out from time to time between long hauls with big time bands.



Though Velvet Revolver hasn’t officially broken up, and is reportedly in the process of looking for a new singer, Duff (who plays guitar and sings in Loaded) seems to have taken the opportunity to take his personalized sportster out for a spin. This means local rockers Geoff Reading, Jeff Rouse and Mike Squires will be along for the ride — as they make up the rest of Loaded.



That’s all fine and dandy, but it’s not without implications. It just so happens that Geoff Reading plays drums in the prominent Tacoma rock band Top Heavy Crush. When McKagan and Loaded decided to head into the studio to record a new record and then head over to Europe for a summer tour, it meant the boys in THC found themselves drummerless.



They’re currently in the process of looking for one. Check out www.weeklyvolcanospew.com this week for an interview with Top Heavy Crush guitarist Kevin Day about the process.



And check out Kevin and Andy Day solo acoustic style this Saturday at Club Vertigo as part of Summer Fest. It won’t be a full force Top Heavy Crush show without Reading, bassist Justin McDonald, and guitarist Jimmy Paulson, but something still tells me someone is still getting laid. 



[Hell’s Kitchen, Cookie Mongoloid, American Wrecking Company, De-Krep-It, Binky, Friday, June 13, 9 p.m., $5, 2839 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.759.6003]



[Club Vertigo, AtomicOutlaws, Crying Spell, Kevin and Andy Day acoustic, Acid Angels, The Outfit, Uppercut, Basic Radio, Saturday, June 14, 7 p.m., $10 at www.ticketswest.com, 5240 S. Tacoma Way, Tacoma, 253. 678.3593]