Dear Seattle: I’m breaking up with you, and I’m officially and forever over you.



After you essentially kicked me out of your city and your county when I decided I wanted to buy a piece of property, we were pretty much done.



But then, all along I’ve continued to hear your people talking crap about the Tacoma that I’m growing to love. YOU’RE ALL WRONG!



With that, I have some news for you.



Seattle: You are expensive, pretentious, old; and you’re now a has been.



Tacoma: You are hip, young, urban and edgy.



Just this week I decided that I no longer need to head to Seattle for anything at all. Through the help of the great friends I’ve made in Tacoma, my calendar is booked up with more cultural and fun functions than I ever dreamed of.



Tacoma has me busy eight days a week.



Take, for example, what I’m in the middle of now.



This week I turned down offers from friends to watch Monday Night Football at Tacoma’s sports bars. Tuesday I had to go to the Top of Tacoma Bar to say hello to the world-famous Joy, who is bartending there now. Wednesday I had plans to visit Alexo at the Red Hot for the Sixth Avenue and munch on the 6th Ave Strut hot dog ($3.50) that I’ve been dreaming about ever since I was there last. Thursday (tonight!) is the Pray for Snow Party at the Harmon. Over the weekend I’m unfortunately going to have to miss ürbanaüt (but you should go), the kind-of-a-secret-but-not-really party, www.myspace.com/undergroundtacoma.



I NEVER had this much to look forward to when you were in my life, Seattle!



So I’m ditchin’ the zero (Seattle) and gettin’ with the hero (Tacoma).

Fantastic functions Friday

Natasha made an executive decision for Friday and issued a mandate that we needed to get some of the Weekly Volcano girls together before attending the Art at Work Month opening celebration at the Museum of Glass. I was game because I rarely get to hang out with the fellow scribes, since so many are freelancers like me.



Natasha set the meeting spot as the Pacific Grill, and she was able to convince Suzy Stump and fellow Eastsider Roxanne Murphy to join us.



If you’ve followed this column at all (you’d better!), you know that Suzy, Natasha and I have had all kinds of adventures while skiing and on land, but I’d never gotten to meet Roxanne Murphy, the PR Bitty from the City, before.



I’d seen her on TV Tacoma once when I was flipping through the channels. I also saw her in the Tacoma Live Guide that I picked up once at Doyle’s. Natasha says she knows so much about what’s going on in Tacoma (the city that I just dumped Seattle for), so I was excited to get to know her a little better.



She’s funny, and the four of us felt on top of the world with all kinds of PG appetizers, the tasty drinks from Lovely Larry, and the stories we all shared.



After, we rolled over to the Museum of Glass where Senor Gato joined us for the opening ceremony of Art at Work Month where the Weekly Volcano received their AMOCAT award (see page three). I couldn’t help but elbow Natasha when Pappi Swarner gave her a shout-out in his speech for her solid dance moves. That whole thing was super exciting.



The celebration continued, and we rolled up to Tempest where we spent time clinking glasses with Weekly Volcano jugheads KAke, Pappi, Allison, Ken, GQ Tony and Wild Bill.



We Weekly Volcano people really do have attitude with substance, and yes, we do know how to party.

Another sensational Saturday at the Top

Natasha decided to lay low Saturday (What a lame ass. Boooooo!), so I decided to contact new friend Roxanne, LT, fellow Weekly Volcano scribe Angela Jossy and Senor Gato. We all met up at the Top of Tacoma Bar, the spot that I’m so addicted to that I might marry it. There we got to pound drinks with James Hume and Jeff Olson, and we held enlightened discussions about size D boobs.



Seattle, I don’t think you ever really appreciated me in the first place, and Tacoma really loves me, boobs and all.

I’m Carmen, your new chameleon.  Drop me your favorite parties at permanentlipstick@hotmail.com