Weekly Volcano is perplexed. The News Tribune’s series on South Tacoma Way was fine and dandy. However, they missed the boat completely.

Regents Boulevard is the greatest street in the universe. It deserves a million words a week in print. Probably a trillion.

Ah Regents, where the curbs are exquisitely painted the color of sunshine, a bajillion city council signs line the perfectly manicured lawns, and the kiddies freely walk their Pomeranians sans a chaperone. 

Yes. We said Pomeranians. Although I thought they were owned only by elderly widows and prissy heiresses, we saw three of them while on Regents this past week. You damn sure won’t find a “pom pom” on South Tacoma Way.

Regents sports businesses a-plenty for the residents of Fircrest. We begin most mornings at Espress-O-Yourself. This cleverly titled coffee shop has a cozy atmosphere with vintage ads plastered on the walls, and a tasty menu including a tiramisu latte. Mmmmmm. They also sell knickknacks, coffee mugs, and purses, because who doesn’t want to buy a handbag at a coffee shop?

We stopped by the coffee joint this past weekend, enjoyed a peaceful sip and “Everything I Do,” by Brian Adams. Thoughts of Kevin Costner in tights danced in our heads.

On Regents there’s something for everyone. Does South Tacoma Way have a Swimmin’ Hole, where you can fulfill all of your aquatic needs? We think not.

Does South Tacoma Way have a dentist, bank, pharmacy, and dance apparel shop all in one stretch? Nope. What if your tooth gets knocked out in kickboxing class, and the blood ruins your leotard, and you have no cash money to buy pain reliever?!

Regents does food, too. The Poppy Seed Café and Viafores Italian Delicatessen are a powerful one-two punch. They’ve been open for about a year and a half, and serve breakfast, lunch, and supper, as they call it in the Midwest. Many of their menu items are chock full of poppy seeds, including waffles and salads.

We call Viafores Italian Delicatessen’s corned beef and pastrami sandwich a Cardiac Arrest on Rye. If you only have the time or money to eat once a day, and you want to get, like, uncomfortably full, this bad boy will stick to your ribs for an entire calendar day. Really, it’s like swallowing a wet boxing glove, albeit one steeped in steamy bovine goodness. A double layer of mouthwatering, freshly sliced corned beef and pastrami — kind of like a red meat martini — leavened with a slab of Swiss and a shmear of spicy brown mustard, with a creamy potato salad riding shotgun, for less than $6. To quote Homer Simpson: Bye, bye belt! We love you Viafores!

Remember in high school when the only thing you loved more than summer was the fat back-to-school issue of Seventeen. These days, updating your style is a little more daunting, and a new trapper keeper just won’t cut it. But accessories are still all the rage, and we were not shocked to find stylish boutique Good Karma on the greatest street ever — Regents.

Good Karma is a pint sized shop, with about the same square footage as the Weekly Volcano’s broom closet. We were practically making out with another lady shopper Saturday as we maneuvered around each other. The upside, however, is that they have unique handmade bags and jewelry that look as if they were pounded out by cave dwelling artisans.

Stop into the Fircrest Swimshop for all of your resort wear needs, and grab a cozy bed for your Pom at Green Cottage Pets.

Need a smile from a handsome stranger? Hang outside the Fircrest Golf Club for a bit. We may or may not have snuck in just to feel how soft the grass was. It looks like an outdoor carpet, and feels like velvet.

However, not everything on Regents Boulevard is on the up and up. There’s a house with some disturbing Halloween decorations! The house on the corner of Regents and Alameda is lit up daily with brake lights. It’s loaded with Halloween scariness. The best is a skeleton sticking halfway out of the ground, with a vicious dog attacking him. Scary!

So whether it’s the super soft grass, the freshly painted streets, or the fact that it smells like a wildflower field directly outside Engine 17, I’ve come to love Regents Boulevard. Watch out South Tacoma Way. With only a few more gin joints, Regents could take over the world.

Regents Boulevard Facts

The street sits 340 feet above sea level.

It curves a bit.