Dear Joeseppi’s Italian Margarita,

First, let me tell you that I’m a huge fan of yours. I love your Amaretto floater. And that splash of lime of yours adds freshness. As my friend, your pint glass container always seem to be there when needed — the perfect post-work cocktail, a warmer on a rainy Sunday afternoon, and you’re even around to help me through family gatherings. However, lately I’ve been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:



1. You give me excess hope while watching Mariners’ games in Joeseppi’s bar. I love the flat screen, the fireplace, and server Tom is extremely professional. However, when I sip you I believe in the Mariners, and I think that’s wrong.



2. Now you know I love Joeseppi’s Italian grub, but why do you suggest that I eat the bread with that seasoned butter, plus a Chop Chop salad, an entire five-layer lasagna dish, tiramisu and a sandwich to go from the deli. I’m a big eater, but I think you always take me too far.



3. Unless you’re subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more balance work, I see no need to hammer the issue home by causing me to knock owner Joe Stortini’s baseball memorabilia off the wall. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to sign my credit card receipt.



In closing, Italian Margarita, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. However, in order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully tell me no after three. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 4 p.m. on your possible solutions and hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.



Your biggest fan

Brad Allen



[Joeseppi’s Italian Ristorante, 2207 N. Pearl St., Tacoma, 253.761.5555]