THE CLASS

Beauty tips

Roberta Bennett will lead a class on beauty tips Tuesday at Marlene’s Market & Deli. Here are a few terms you made need to know going in:

Prosthetic Beak: Term used to describe hideously swollen collagenic lips. Also known as a “Melanie.”

Pamelas: Term inspired by Pamela Lee, used to comment on someone’s large breasts (i.e., “nice Pamelas,” or “She made her Pamelas way too big”).

Britney-itis: Medical term used to describe menopausal stars who dress like teenagers.

Wedding Cake: Term used to describe a star wearing caked-on makeup (i.e., “Look at that wedding cake with Britney-itis!”)

OK, you’re armed with the basics. Go and get pretty, Cinderella! — Suzy Stump

[Marlene’s Market & Deli, Tuesday, July 24, 7 p.m., $5, 2951 S. 38th St., Tacoma, 253.472.4080]

THE ART

Monkey art

Monkeys like art. Monkeys like drinkies. Therefore, by the Transitive Property of Equality, Monkeys like, um, something.

Never mind, the next 100th Monkey party will be held Wednesday, July 25 at the Old Town Music Society building a couple of doors down from the Spar in Old Town Tacoma.

Jaime Wright is the 100th Monkey, therefore, will provide the entertainment.

The $4 lottery tiles are designed by Melissa Schulz whose work can be seen here. http://web. mac.com/eyeimagine.

Monkey commander Sue Pivetta invites all artists to bring one piece of art to display at the party.

Now I must get back to my mathematical properties text book. — SS

[Old Town Music Society, Wednesday, July 25, 8-10 p.m., no cover, $4 tiles, 2101 N. 30th St., Tacoma, www.100thmonkeytacoma.com]

THE PARTY

’70s Night

Wonder Twin Powers ... activate! Form of a pink elephant! Form of a pink girlie drink! Hey, Kool-Aid! Ad nauseam. 1978 was awful, except for Loni Anderson’s hair and funk.

That’s not stopping Chopstix Tacoma hosting “Funky Town” on a special ladies night. Dress in your favorite bell bottoms and polyester shirts as Chopstix will give prizes to the best dressed male and female.

So grab a Nehi and witness as I recalibrate my being with another superfluous journey through days gone by. Funky days gone by. — SS

[Chopstix, Thursday, July 26, 8 p.m., 2702 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.627.7555]