Thing: Lucky Troy's Smokehouse

Providing: Spice Rubs

For: Meat

And: General food flavoring

Not: A body rub

For your: Man meat

Trust me: I tried

Results: Not favorable

After friends and family members urged smoked-meat fanatic Troy Fitzpatrick of Puyallup to sell his delicious homemade spice rubs, he got serious and started developing flavors to compliment every type of meat protein he could think of.

Well, actually, there are just four of types of Lucky Troy's Smokehouse spice rubs ... for now.

Last week on Episode 9 of Volcano Radio, Fitzpatrick and his lovely wife, Elizabeth, brought us samples of all the mouthwatering spice rubs offered by Lucky Troy's Smokehouse.

Matt Driscoll, Adam McKinney, Wonderboy (the show's producer) and myself had the pleasure of sampling Fitzpatrick's Lucky Cow, Lucky Pig, Lucky Chicken and Lucky Fish meat rubs.

One thing we learned: Fitzpatrick prefers you don't refer to them as "meat rubs" because of their versatility.

Along with some amazing samples of grilled meat doused in spice rubs from Lucky Troy's Smokehouse, the Fitzpatrick duo provided us with homemade hummus seasoned with Lucky Pig spice and ramen noodles doused with Lucky Fish spice.

Having scored samples before our Volcano Radio taping, I took it upon myself to experiment with each Lucky Troy's spice in my own kitchen.

Lucky Cow is Fitzpatrick's signature "spicy" flavoring, wielding traces of jalapeno alongside brown sugar and garlic. It's truly powerful, yet not too "spicy" for my strong chili-loving palate.

Lucky Fish was my favorite due to the complex layers of clove, ginger, celery and pepper. It's perfectly balanced, and also the Lucky Troy's spice rub used most in my kitchen on a variety of foods besides fish.

Lucky Pig is for the south-of-the-border lover in all of us. If you like a cumin undertone, you'll like the pairing of this cumin and cayenne rub.

Lucky Chicken boasts complimentary spices like thyme, nutmeg and garlic. Another powerful and widely versatile spice, Lucky Chicken seems like another good option to have on hand for many types of food.

I'll go ahead and admit that all four of us Volcano Radio spice-tasters went back for seconds, thirds and - in my case - fourths.

Rev. Adam McKinney even had to take off his jacket after a few bites.

Apparently the dude sweats when he eats spices. Ladies, if this kind of thing turns you on, I can get you Mr. McKinney's info.

Side note: Those seeking the companionship of McKinney must also love cheesy '90s flicks featuring professional wrestlers-turned-actors, but we can negotiate later.

For more information on any of these wonderful spices email luckysmokehouse@yahoo.com.