This week ...

Place: Dorky's Bar Arcade

Open since: Sept. 28, 2010

Owners: Les Voros-Bond and Caroline Dennewith

Cost of all games: 25 cents

What I just lied about: Newer pinball games are actually 50 cents

Total pinball machines: 11

Most popular game: TMNT

Percentage of readers who will know what TMNT stands for: 87%

Oldest games: Space Invaders and Asteroids (1979)

Length of Les' Fu Manchu: 3 inches

Been growing the fuzz since: Labor Day 2010

Before I exited Dorky's Arcade on Pacific Avenue in Tacoma to find my wonderful $25 parking ticket, I had been inside visiting with co-owners Les "DJ Rekless" Voros-Bond and Caroline Dennewith for quite some time.  We chatted up such topics as Dorky's pending liquor license, kids with scabies having babies and the fine art of selling s*** on eBay. I gleefully commented on Caroline's commitment to Dorky's retro theme by complimenting her wardrobe. Really, she rocked those leg warmers like no other.

It was after I perused the 43 (and growing) arcade games (most of which are major childhood throwbacks such as a two-seater Donkey Kong table) that I decided to find myself a "dork" amongst Dorky's patrons. There had to be at least 50 dorks in a goddamn arcade, right?

I can usually tell a genuine "dork" by simply reading their know-it-all blogs, but inside this particular arcade it was different. I stopped Dorky's visitors left and right, asking them if they were dorks. Newcomers Spencer and Ben proclaimed their non-dorkdom, as did numerous others I questioned. I was feeling that my quest to find a dork was hopeless when suddenly, as if the nerd-clouds had parted, came Brennen ... King Dork. 

"I spend more time here at Dorky's than at home," declared the newly crowned King Dork. With a dietary regimen of Ju Ju Fruits and Costco muffins, Brennen gets the stamina to play countless hours of Area 51 and Ms. Pac-Man from within. Let this be a lesson, kids: No amount of sugar will replace the drive one must have to become King Dork.

Before I walked out the front doors I questioned the suspicious number of keys adhered to Dorky's doorways. 

"Say "door keys" really fast," explained my new friends, Les and Caroline.

Clever use of a homophonic pun, Dennewith and Voros-Bond, very clever. 

Heck, one might even say it is a bit dorky, but that would be too obvious.

[Dorky's Barcade, 754 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.627.4156]