Yes, YOUR FAVORITE GIRL ABOUT TOWN SUCCUMBED TO SOME KILLER BUG epidemic that's been going around, and it's had me just a wee bit out of my mind. Days running into nights that run into days, with no feeling of any kind of break other than to wander out onto the front porch occasionally to see where I was. And I feel like I've missed so much. I never even found out what happened to Ol' Dirty Bastard. I know he dropped in a recording studio, but I never heard the reason because I was busy battling - in addition to delirium and weakness of extremities - an allergic reaction to something, which had me looking like I had been set on fire and put out with a pair of stiletto heels.

As I started to become a little more coherent, I also began to realize that rather than simply hang up because I was too sick to fight, talking with the AT&T representatives who call the house every seven minutes or so during the daytime can be fairly entertaining, as long as I stuck to the breakfast of champions, which consisted of pain pills I had to take to prevent having to wear sunglasses in the shower because if light hit my eyes I'd scream uncontrollably like the victims in "Seed of Chucky."

Then I started dreaming of JOHNNY DEPP. I am a raving lunatic of the Depp. That said, I'm so stoked that the filming has started on "Pirates of the Caribbean 2" and who better to play the DRUNKEN, STAGGERING, OLD LEATHER FACED PIRATE DAD THAN KEITH RICHARDS.  When he shows up for hair and makeup on the movie set, the cosmetic artists will think he's already been there. Richards comes complete with his own matted, dreaded hair and bad teeth. Hoorah for the casting manager! I don't think there has ever been a more perfectly cast actor than Keith Richards as father to Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow.

Then I thought I heard IDA'S PUB will soon have a whole new, ahem, feel.  It seems Ida has decided to retire and get out of the bar business. She has turned the place over to her son, who has plans to change the name to OMEGA and change the bar into an alternative lifestyle friendly nightclub/lounge.  I wonder if they will continue to have the $1 beers and $1 hot dogs during happy hour. Then they could honestly say they have the cheapest wieners in town.

I struggled to the computer and opened an e-mail from BIG MCLARGE HUGH of intergalactic fame SPLENDID VENGEANCE. The band will be back in our area for a super special Christmas show titled "A VERY SPLENDID AX-MAS" at Hell's Kitchen. Sweet. Oh yeah, and it will be free. Totally sweet! But wait, there's more: it's on Christmas night so when you're completely sick of your family and all of the stuff you got that you didn't want (You know how it goes; they try to get the right gifts, and you really appreciate it, but enough already.) you have a place to go and get sickeningly wrecked and have some real fun.  Note: Taking a cab home on Christmas from a bar does not make you lame; it means you're smart. I PREFER YELLOW CAB. They are fast and sometimes don't charge you that $1 per extra person in the cab.

Saturday, Nov. 13

I brave it to Olympia.  Washington Center for the Performing Arts is a nice place. You get to wear nice clothes and sit on nice chairs and listen to nice music. I went for the free concert, as I am always budget minded, that was part of the 2004 CAPITOL CITY JAZZ BAND FESTIVAL. I missed the high school jazz bands that performed earlier in the day, but it couldn't be helped.  When the evening show was over at 9 p.m., I went home and dove directly under the covers. You see, I was coughing my head off during the festival.  I was no fit date for anyone. I am lucky to look gorgeous with fever flushed cheeks, if I do say so myself, but the whole red nose thing - not so hot.