Tuesday, Oct. 12

Baseball is all about superstition, so says HOLY COMOLLI as he curses not wearing his Yankees hat on game day while we wait for BINGO AT GLORIA'S. I roll my eyes, taking another shudder inspiring sip of my extremely strong glass of Vodie with a side of ice and a whisper of 7-Up nestled up to the joint's Formica tabletop bar. For my first time in, I grabbed bingo fever in five minutes flat. Comolli won the bingo prize - a plastic punch bowl with ladle and service for six. He assures me a HUNCH PUNCH PARTY is on the autumn horizon. The BIKERS ROLLED IN as the last "bingo!" rang through Gloria's, which was perfect timing really. The cook came walking through and made the place feel even more like a "TWILIGHT ZONE" EPISODE, shouting "I am the Bingo Burger Queen, and I am all greasy and gross" and then disappeared into the back.

CARRIE BRADSHAW MOMENT: Why are barstools so small when everyone's booty is bigger than the dang seat?

After my cocktail bingo date with Comolli (I thought those words would never pass my fingertips), I lay on my bed in an adorable pink nightie flipping through magazines and idly watching television when I stumbled on a magnificent thing in the world of cable programming.  BRAVO HOSTS THE HOTTEST REALITY SHOW. I abhor reality TV, but this show is the exception. "MAN HUNT" on Tuesday nights at 10 p.m. is for the ladies and the bois. This may come as a surprise, but I am an avid fan of SEMI-NAKED HOT MEN.  These guys compete for a modeling contract and in the process skydive in WHITE CALVIN KLEIN UNDIES AND NOTHING ELSE.  It is amazing how beautiful men act like bitchy chicks when designer labels are at stake. Woohoo! Me likey lots.

Thursday, Oct. 14

TAYLOR BROWN'S 40TH BIRTHDAY BAR ROMP. I arrived early at JAZZBONES, downed my two shots of CHILLED TO KILL YA (tequila, silly) chased with pineapple, shared some light banter mixed with SUBLTE SEXUAL INNUENDO WITH JASON M., and then ducked out to catch the gang at THE BRICKYARD BAR & GRILL.  The Brick is nice, but I had a mildly panicked COP-FILLED DRIVE getting there. Wisely opting for a single instead of my usual double Vodie, Taylor and I chatted on the patio outside and shared one of her 120 MENTHOLS.  I love a woman who SMOKES A LONGER CIGARETTE than I do.  And please, GODDESS OF BEAUTY, let me look as radiant at 40 as Taylor does. ...  To the GOTH GIRL ON THE DECK: I'm sorry I complemented you on your "Halloween costume."  I really did like the DAGGER EARRINGS.

Friday, Oct. 15

Let me introduce you to my early HALLOWEEN MOMENT at FENDERS: SUPER SCAREY GUY in silver shirt with rotten "Jolly day, good chap" Englishman teeth.  You know how the English aren't exactly up on dental hygiene? Well, I kept trying to see if they were fake Halloween teeth, but no one around him was laughing or acting odd. It was like a bloody train wreck along the highway and you just can't look away. English teeth guy caught me looking at him and winked, and I almost jumped out of my skin. GROSS!  HILBORNE and MOB LAW kept Fenders entertained. KAREN'S CEO AND OFFICE HO'S BIRTHDAY PARTY made sure the crowd was a good-looking one indeed.  It was so killer to see the girls who usually live in jeans and hoodies tricked out in short skirts, heels, bustiers and fishnet stockings.  THERE'S SOME GOOD CLEAVAGE IN THIS TOWN. It's just well hidden. SHAWNA REED and I zipped down to HELL'S KITCHEN between bands and arrived there in between bands. What a bummer. The place was packed and humid, and the crowd looked particularly glassy-eyed for MONTGOMERY'S REUNION SHOW. Then my need for a reggae fix landed me at JAZZBONES àla GROUNDATION where it was the same packed, humid, and grinningly bombed show. The DISTINCT SCENT OF PATCHOULI floated above the earthy people. Ya mon!