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Bobble Tiki believes the foundation of St. Patrick's Day is undoubtedly beer, and the flagship of the genre is undoubtedly Guinness. Disagree? Well, it's now on the Internets and therefore it's true. Composed of a symphony of four and only four ingredients (malted barley, hops, yeast and water), Ireland's dark, luscious export creates more smiles around the South Sound than Mid-March snow.
Isn't it interesting that a pint of Guinness holds fewer calories than a pint of either orange juice or skim milk? Doctors used to advise nursing mothers to drink Guinness, and weak ale was at one time served to schoolchildren as an alternative to milk. That the closest genetic relative to the hops plant is cannabis? (It is impossible, however, to make beer with pot.) That the same strain of yeast Arthur Guinness brewed with in 1821 is still in use today?
That dark beer is not inherently stronger than light beer? In fact, the roasting of barley that gives Guinness stout its rich colour and flavour (superfluous u's are a staple of Guinness descriptions) actually removes fermentable sugars from the malt, resulting in a lower alcohol percentage.
Nobody knows exactly who drank the first Guinness on St. Patrick's Day. But Bobble Tiki does know a bit of St. Patrick's Day history. Pat was born in 387 A.D. in Britain as Maewyn Succat. At 16 he was kidnapped and sold into slavery in Ireland. He escaped six years later and studied in Tours, France, to become a priest. In 431 A.D. Pope Celestine I named him Patricius and sent him back to Ireland to rid the place of Druids (damned tree-huggers!)
According to legend, St. Paddy used the three leaves of the shamrock to explain the Trinity to the heathens, but he didn't actually drive any snakes out of Ireland. That was just a poetic way of saying he got rid of the Druids.
To make this blog post even better, Bobble Tiki will tell you one of the few clean jokes he knows: What's Irish and outside?
If you're looking to celebrate St. Patrick's Day Saturday in the South Sound, Bobble Tiki offers these options (in no particular alphabetical order):
Aficionado Cigar Lounge: St. Patrick's Day party with Romeo y Juliet Cigars featuring the Reserva Real, door prizes, drawings, food, drinks and more. 2-6 p.m. Corner of 72nd and Waller Road, Tacoma, 253.531.9595
Ale House Sports Pub & Grille: The Ale House will take its 64 beers on tap, add green to a few of them, fire up some corned beef and cabbage and lamb stew, push the Bushmills and Jameson to the front, discount Guinness Pints and call it a party. Oh, raffle prizes too. 2122 Mildred St. W., University Place, 253.565.9367
C.I. Shenanigans: Bagpipers 6:30-8 pm. Cottonwood Cutups 8 pm.
The Cloverleaf: "2nd Annual Pre-Funk" featuring Irish food, Irish beer, Larry the Leprechaun, James King & the Southsiders (3-6 p.m.), Maxim Jack (8 p.m.) and raffle prizes. 3 p.m. to midnight. 6436 Sixth Ave., TAcoma, 253.565.1111
Doyle's Public House: The day kicks off at 6 a.m. with a corned beef and hash breakfast then amps up with live music in the outdoor tent at 3 p.m. featuring Blvd Park, Mighty High, The Fucking Eagles, Ben Union, SweetKiss Momma and The Excellent Gentlemen. 208 Saint Helens Ave., Tacoma, 253.272.7468
Harmon Brewery & Eatery: St. Patrick's Day party with food and drink specials, plus Pierce County Pipes and Drums (7-8 pm). The celebration kicks off at 3 p.m. 1938 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.383.2739
The Hub: St. Patrick's Day Party with corned beef and cabbage, $5 Jameson shots and music by Myles Crew. 6-9 p.m. 203 Tacoma Ave. S., Tacoma, 253.683.4606
Jazzbones: St. Paddy's Day Bash featuring Violin Vs. Vinyl Celebration with Kytami, PhonoGraff and Jay Tablet. 7:30 p.m. $10. 2803 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.396.9169
JR's Hideaway: St. Patrick's Day Party, with DJ Maddog Johnson. 9 p.m. 22540 Northeast State Route 3, Belfair, 360.275.4547
Mandolin Café: St. Patty's Day with Neil Pearlman. All Ages. 8 p.m. $5 suggested donation. 3923 S. 12th St., Tacoma, 253.761.3482
The New Frontier Lounge: St. Patrick's Day Party with OMG and special guests. 9 p.m. 301 E. 25th St., Tacoma, 253.572.4020
O'Blarney's Irish Pub: St. Patrick's Day Party with traditional Irish music 9:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. Irish dancers noon, 5 and 9 p.m. Oly Highlanders noon to 8 p.m. 4411 Martin Way E., Olympia, 360.459.8084
O'Callahan's Pub & Grill: St. Patrick's Day Bash featuring The Whistling Oysters. 6 p.m. 15610 92nd St., Key Center, 253.884.9766
Olympic Club Hotel and Theater: St. Patrick's Day Celebration with The Blackberry Bushes, Fiddlehead and Irish dancers. 4 p.m. No cover. 112 N. Tower Ave., Centralia, 360.736.5164
O'Malley's Irish Pub: The Fun Police, Shivering Denizens, Menace, Smoke Like Daddy, Firefighter Pipes and Drums, The Piping Duo with outdoor stage and beer garden. 11-1 a.m. $5. Mr. Blackwatch special performance 2-3 p.m. 2403 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.627.9403
Paddy Coyne's Irish Pub: Big St. Patrick's Day Bash featuring traditional Irish food, bagpipers, Irish music, prize giveaways and a beer garden. 6 a.m.-2 a.m. $5. 815 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.272.6963
Rock The Dock Pub & Grill: St. Patrick's Day Party with Triple Threat Band. 8 p.m. 535 Dock St., Tacoma, 253.272.5004
The Spar: Paddy's Day, with Mooncoyne. 8 p.m. 2121 N. 30th St., Tacoma, 253.627.8215
The Social Bar & Grill: St. Patrick's Day Bash featuring DJs Fritz, Verse and Barbarilla spinning and judging the Catholic School Girl Costume Contest with cash prizes, plus corned beef and cabbage and $5 Irish drink specials. 8 p.m. No cover. 1715 Dock St., Tacoma, 253.301.3835
Stonegate Pizza: St. Patty's Day Party with, of course, Led Zeppelin tribute band Kashmir. 9 p.m. 5421 South Tacoma Way, Tacoma, 253.473.2255
Tempest Lounge: House Improvement St. Patrick's Edition with DJs Sean Donald McLean Ober, Michael Sherman and Justin Collins. 9 p.m. No cover. 913 MLK Way, Tacoma, 253.272.4904
What South Sound St. Patrick's Day parties did Bobble Tiki forget?