THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT'S UP THIS WEEKEND >>>

WEATHER REPORT

Friday: Rain, hi 52, lo 36

Saturday: Rain, hi 50, lo 37

Sunday: More mf-ing rain, hi 50, lo (our motivation)

>>> FRIDAY, MARCH 30: Edible Book Festival

The Weekly Volcano will eat anything. For instance, take Poppers Mini-Taquitos ... just not from us (bada boom). Sucking liquefied meat from an edible straw - a mere dream until recent advances in mini-taquito technology. Anyway, what we have never eaten are books. Why would we? Sure, we've eaten our words. And we've been in plenty of binds. But books? Well, people will eat books Friday at the University of Puget Sound. Collins Memorial Library at UPS dedicates itself to protecting books, but come Friday it will eat them at the University's sixth Edible Books Festival. What is an edible book? Duh. An edible book is made of food and inspired by literary titles, characters or authors - such as Lord of the Onion Rings.

• Collins Memorial Library, Friday, March 30, 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., 3:30 p.m. awards ceremony, no cover (get it!), North 18^th Street and North Warner Street, Tacoma, 253.879.3669

>>> FRIDAY, MARCH 30: Tacoma Noise Radio

The Weekly Volcano is not here to make this stuff up. Truth happens. Reality pinches, rides up, makes you start and shiver in utter amazement. The Tacoma Noise Rodeo returns to treat the denizens of Sixth Avenue to experimental electronic music. No, not guitar feedback synced with loud Ultimate Fighting DVDs the neighbor kids cranks in his basement Friday nights. Rather, glorious modular synthesizers, patch cables and Commodore 64 machines producing extremely loudly, wicked alchemical magic, meaty pulsing rhythms, monster drone and giant washes of sound, all making you want to run a marathon while eating raw meat, naked. Show producer Chris Lehfeldt will showcase his band Bagger 288 along with Obscure Robot and Four Dimensional Nightmare at Metronome Coffee on Sixth Avenue.

• Metronome Coffee, Friday, March 30, 7 p.m., all ages, no cover, 3518 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.301.2375

>>> FRIDAY, MARCH 30 & SUNDAY, APRIL 1: La Boheme

Tacoma Opera will stage the classic, much-loved opera La Boheme in its original Italian, although there will be English subtitles provided for the unwashed heathens in the audience who don't know the story of young love with a tragic ending - as all operas seem to have. Uncultured Gen Xers will better know the story as Rent, a high-quality blockbuster knockoff of the earlier Puccini work.

• Rialto Theater, Friday, March 30 8 p.m., Sunday, April 1 2 p.m., $25 an dup, 310 S. Ninth St., Tacoma, 253.627.7789

>>>SATURDAY, MARCH 30: Dockyard Derby Dames season opener 

Derailed, like many things, by snowmaggedon 2012, the Dockyard Derby Dames will officially kick off season six Saturday night inside the Pierce College Health Ed Center in Lakewood. The Dames open with hot roller debry action featuring the Marauding Mollys battling Season 5 champions The Trampires, followed by the Hellbound Homewreckers taking on the Femme Fianna. Bring the whole family, won't you?

• Pierce College Health ed Center, Saturday, March 31, 6 p.m., doors at 5 p.m., beer garden, $12 advance, 9401 Farwest Dr. SW, Lakewood, www.dockyardderbydames.com

>>> SUNDAY, APRIL 1: Wayz And Means: Letterpress Film Festival

You can't help be jealous of letterpress artists. They both intelligence and creativity, and when they collaborate, you get a massive-shot of talent. A massive shot is exactly what will go down Sunday when King's Books hosts Wayz and Means: Letterpress Film Festival screening short films celebrating letterpress and book arts. Tickets are $20 and include popcorn, liquid refreshments, and - of course - cake. The event will raise funds for the Stadium District bookstore's annual Wayzgoose: Letterpress and Book Arts Festival. Apparently, filmgoers will also have the opportunity to purchase early Wayzgoose raffle tickets.

• King's Books, Sunday, April 1, 6-8 p.m., $20, 218 St. Helens Ave., Tacoma, 253.272.8801

WHAT SOME OF OUR STAFF MEMBERS ARE UP TO

CHRISTIAN CARVAJAL Theater Critic
I need to devote quite a bit of time to opera rehearsals, but I'm also hoping to catch a performance of Someone Who'll Watch Over Me at Tacoma Little Theatre. I hear it's amazing.

ALEC CLAYTON Arts Critic
We're going to the Jazz Night Out fundraiser for Capital City Pride Saturday night. It's at the Urban Onion.

JENNI PRANGE BORAN Arts and Feature Writer
A bowling alley I walk by almost everyday reputedly has karaoke on the weekends. ... So the husband and I might be spending Friday night at Pacific Lanes revisiting '80s hits via cheap beer. Sunday will be spent, as April 1 is every year, thinking of ways to fool various family members.

NIKKI TALOTTA Music Writer
I'm slinging drinks for Friday happy hour then headed up to Hell's Kitchen to catch one of my fave bands of all time - Stone Axe! Saturday, the garden calls. And on Sunday, I plan to round off the weekend with a free aerialist show at the Brotherhood Lounge. Thank you Puget Sound for making my weekend stellar!

JOANN VARNELL Theater Critic
This weekend is the official start of my spring break! We'll kick it off with dinner with friends. Saturday morning will find us bleary-eyed and headed to SeaTac for an early flight to Colorado. Sunday we will pack up a car with the toddler and the in-laws for a 10 hour drive to South Dakota. Giant dogs and friends will hold down the home front until we return.

MOLLY GILMORE Arts and Feature Writer
I'm seeing Enchanted April at Harlequin Productions and Pina at
the Capitol Theater.

STEVE DUNKELBERGER Photographer
I have the kids through spring break, so the list of fun will include a trip to Gibson's for some fro-yo and then the Dave Graham love fest at The Swiss, followed by a movie or a walk around the waterfront.

JOSH RIZEBERG Music Columnist
This Friday at 6 p.m. I'll be teaching my Spoken-Word/Poetry class at the D.A.S.H. Center for the Arts. The class is available for students of all-ages to sign-up, drop-ins are also encouraged. After my class I'll hit-up the new Club In on 728 Pacific Ave. where I'll check-out the Reggae Rapfest, performing is D'Rocc and Second Family and others. It's $8 presale or $12 at the door. Saturday I'm keeping it local and hitting Hell's Kitchen for the "Working Class Artists Spring Tour" featuring AKA, Mike Drastic and The Krisis. This show starts at 9 and is only $5 to get in. On Sunday the Northwest M.C. League is getting-down on Ninth and Broadway at the Graffiti-Garages! This event is always free and always all-ages.

JOE IZENMAN Theater Critic
Beginning the most epic of all possible Risk campaigns with certain pillars of the Tacoma nerd community? Could be. Fishing for culture at Tacoma Symphony Chorus's presentation of Faure's Requiem? Might be. Trekking up to the geekstravaganza that is Emerald City Comic Con? Probably. Celebrating the commencement of Proctor Farmer's Market season? Definitely.

JOSHUA SWAINSTON Features Writer
Joshua Swainston will be dreaming of Tacoma while sailing around Prince
Williams Sound, Alaska. Oh ... and working on my next Volcano article, of
course.

LINK: Even more local events that we recommend

LINK: Comprehensive South Sound Arts & Entertainment Calendar

LIVE MUSIC TONIGHT IN THE SOUTH SOUND >>>

Capitol Theater Olympia - Downtown. Amy Ray, with Lindsay Fuller. All Ages. 8 pm. $10-$15.

• We love "Closer to Fine" as much as the next dirt-kicker, but only ridiculous amounts of cash would have persuaded us to label the Indigo Girls as hard rockers. Which is why Amy Ray's solo albums are such a mind-blower - they pit one half of the pleasant-harmony duo against her previous hold-hands template, opting for more aggressive guitars and cutthroat lyrics. Ray arrives at the Capitol Theater Thursday some Olympia's musician alumni - Kaia Wilson and Melissa York from Team Dresch and The Butchies. Come get your folk punk on. - Weekly Volcano

The Eagles Hall Olympia - Downtown. Bangs, Survival Knife, Old Wars. 8 pm. $5.

• Bangs, one of the more popular rock bands to emerge from Olympia - having toured extensively and forged connections with all the other great bands of the '90s and 2000s - broke up in 2004 when frontwoman Sarah Utter moved to L.A. A brief stint of fundraising shows in 2010 brought the band back together, and now Bangs will again grace the stage at Olympia's Eagles Hall for a benefit show for Northern All Ages Project.  "I'm super happy to be playing loud guitar with my friends Maggie Vail and Peter David," says Utter. "But, I'm MOST excited about the debut of Survival Knife, featuring one of my favorite drummers, Kris Cunningham, and favorite musicians, Justin Trosper from Unwound." She's right:  Bangs will be playing with other Olympia legends - Survival Knife and Old Wars (featuring members of Gossip.) It will be a star-studded night for sure, one full of favorite rock bands, old-school K kids and newbie underagers. The event is all-ages with a 21-plus bar, and is for members and invited guests of the Eagles Hall. - Nikki Talotta

Harmon Tap Room Underground Tacoma - Stadium District. Gen Obata. 9 pm.

Hell's Kitchen Tacoma - Downtown. Black Tusk, East of the Wall, Witchburn, C.F.A., Deathbed Confessions. 8 pm. $8-$10.

• The music world has given us Black Uhuru, Black Mountain, Black Angels, Black Flag and Rush. Now comes rock's Black Tusk to Tacoma. The band plays hard and heavy and roams the realm of stoner/sludge rock. Its members are not into last names, but they are into abrasive quasi-harsh vocals rolling along with the thundering fuzz-toned, bottom-end heavy riffs. The Savannah band is touring behind Set the Dial, the brand new, Jack Endino (Soundgarden, High On Fire, Skeletonwitch) produced disk of hardcore meets technical trash tendencies. Black Tusk rolls into Hell's Kitchen Thursday, March 29. We caught up with the band on the road. Read our Q&A with Black Tusk on our blog, Spew. - WV

The Hub Tacoma - Stadium District. Open Jam with Rafael's Gemini Trio. 8-11 pm. NC.

Mandolin Cafe Tacoma - Central. Micaela Cooley, with Justin + Ellie. All Ages. 6 pm.

Spar Cafe Olympia - Downtown. Louis Ledford. 8 pm. NC.

Stonegate Pizza Tacoma - South. Billy Stoops Open Mic. 8 pm. NC.

Uncle Sam's American Bar & Grill Spanaway. Taco Thursdays with Jerry Miller. 7-10 pm. NC.

LINK: More live music tonight in the South Sound

FRIDAY, MARCH 30, 2012 >>>

1. Ludwig Van Beethoven was a badass. The German composer and pianist smashed the keys hard enough to break the strings. He used vulgar language. Franz Schubert, on the other hand, was the Tom Hanks of classical composers: a shy workaholic with an amazing body of work. Schubert, nicknamed "Mushroom" by his friends for his retiring personality, wrote almost 1,000 works of music before he died of typhoid fever at 31. These included more than 600 songs, nine symphonies, operas, liturgical music, and chamber and solo piano music. At 7:30 p.m., University of Puget Sound's School of Music will give its own bow to Mushroom with the Jacobsen Series concert Schubertiade, featuring a small sampling of the Austrian composer's immense portfolio of work.

2. Have you seen them? Homeowners are replacing sod with vegetable beds and building chicken coops by their garages. The Joneses are becoming the McDonalds, converting their prime North End Tacoma real estate into a miniature farm. South Sounders are fighting for their right to raise hens, ducks, goats and honey bees. Want in? Local author Dave Toht will pull his tractor up to Orca Books at 7 p.m. and tell all your wannabe Farmers in the Dell how to turn your yard into a productive and wholesome "homestead," rich in fruits and vegetables, and livestock, including chickens, ducks, and goats. Toht knows. He wrote the book, Backyard Homesteading, in which he covers the laws and regulations of raising livestock in populated areas and demonstrates to readers how to use and preserve the bounty they produce. He'll also tell you what to do about angry neighbors who are hating on your rooster. 

3. The animal workers of Manor Farm stage a glorious revolution and drive away Mr. Jones, their despised human ruler. They institute a new democratic regime, but it turns out, as the famous line goes, "All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others." The pigs, you see, can read and write, and they use these abilities to dominate the other species and (pardon the expression) hog the fruits of their labor. Olympia Family Theater's Animal Farm tracks the rise to power of a ruthless porker named Napoleon, and if you know your 20th-century history, you'll have no trouble recognizing him as a stand-in for Stalin. See it go down beginning at 7 p.m.

4. The Liberty Theater in Puyallup hosts comedians Jubal Flagg, Susan Rice and Travis Simmons at 8 p.m.

5. At 8 p.m. Obscure Robot, Four Dimensional Nightmare and Bagger288 burst out of the gate at the Tacoma Noise Rodeo inside Metronome Coffee on Tacoma's Sixth Avenue.

PLUS: More awesome event suggestions in our Weekend Hustle

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music and DJs in the South Sound

LINK: South Sound happy hours

FRIDAY, MARCH 30: FINAL FOUR BREAKFAST BATTLES ON THE DOCKET >>>

The South Sound loves breakfast - at least according to the thousands that have voted in our Tournament of Breakfast. Yesterday's breakfast action set a record for highest vote count for a single day. And number one seeds fell. They fell hard. Every winner yesterday won by capturing 60 to 75 percent of the votes.

Yesterday's Tournament of Breakfast Results

Here were the match-ups:

Homestead Restaurant (No. 12 seed) vs. Moon Rise Cafe (No. 7 seed)

Alfred's Cafe (No 1 seed) vs. Boxcar Grill (No. 2 seed) 

Shakabrah Java (No. 1 seed) vs. Dirty Oscar's Annex (No. 2 seed)

Norma's Burgers (No. 1 seed) vs. Ciciada Restaurant (No. 10 seed)

What four breakfast-slinging joints will move onto the Final Four?

The drum roll please ...

Thanks to your votes, we've narrowed down the Tournament of Breakfast Readers' Poll to four restaurants:

• The Moon Rise Cafe
• Cicada Restaurant
• Alfred's Cafe
• Dirty Oscars Annex.

Let's remember that every breakast that made it into the tourney is worth a fork and knife. Still, someone's gotta win. We started with 64 of the South Sound's best morning meals. Now, these four big breakfasts face off for the ultimate glory - egg to egg battles to determine the best breakfast in the South Sound. Which restaurant has the moxie to nail down the championship? Whose omelette will win it all?

The daily breakfast battles here on Spew are sponsored by Shakabrah Java on Tacoma's Sixth Avenue.

OK, let's check out today's Final Four breakfast battles. Vote for one breakfast joint per battle. Voting for today's breakfast battles ends at 11:45 p.m.

WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

R.I.P. Houston Wimberly III: Tacoma artist, musician, event producer and great friend  Houston Wimberly III lost his battle with cancer. We will miss you shining star.

Tacoma Vs. Your Ferguson TX TV On Your Lawn: The City is sending a dumpster your way. (News Tribune)

Trayvon Tragedy: The brother of the neighborhood watch volunteer who fatally shot an unarmed Florida teen says medical records will substantiate the killing was in self-defense. (CNN)

Health Care Case: Appeals to Justice's ideal of liberty. (The New York Times)

Best Buy: It's closing a bunch of stores. (Star Tribune)

Who Wants To be A Mega-Millionaire?: Lottery fever sweeps the US for a record-breaking $540m jackpot. (BBC)

Approaching Quickly: There will be a movie about The Flash. (MTV)

One For The Books: Seth Rogan is The Dude in Jason Reitman's Big Lebowski live read. (Slash Film)

Dude, You Only Think You're Happy: Survey says people aren't happy until age 33. (Time)

Best Song From The '60s?: Important people chime in. (NME)

May The Revolver Be With You: Or, more like on you. (80stees)

Trippy

HANDMADE, HIGH-ENERGY AND HAPPY >>>

Want to see happy faces? Hightail it to the Olympia Ballroom tonight. Artisans and musicians will be communing with each other, sharing craft ideas and artistic visions, during an Artisan Market inside the downtown Olympia space. Shoppers won't find grandma's doilies or puffy paint sweatshirts, but exotic, high-quality goods, including Oly Girl Photography, a tea station and raw treats. Sponsored by Buy Local South Sound, it's a global humanitarian happening above the Urban Onion restaurant.

What excites the Weekly Volcano, are the two bands scheduled to perform during the market, which runs 7 p.m. to midnight. The Blackberry Bushes Stringband bluegrass instrumentation draws from the deep roots of American folk music with influences from Appalachian old-time, indie rock, jazz and pop. And traveling up from Northern California, the Dead Winter Carpenters will perform its rollicking, high-energy, Americana roots-infused music. Part of the show will also feature segments of the pop oracle and music divining method, Radio8ball by Andras Jones.

The Weekly Volcano caught up with Dead Winter Carpenters's guitarist Jesse Dunn on the road.

WEEKLY VOLCANO:Who's in the band?

JESSE DUNN: Jenni Charles on fiddle and vocals, Sean Duerr on acoustic and electric lead guitar and vocals, Ryan Davis on drums, Dave Lockhart on upright and electric bass as well as vocals and me on acoustic and electric guitar and vocals.

VOLCANO:Where did you all meet?

DUNN: We met through some mutual friends at a little music festival in the hills of Northern California in the summer of 2009.  We slowly cultivated our relationships and began playing as Dead Winter Carpenters in the spring of 2010 in North Lake Tahoe. 

VOLCANO: Please describe your music.

DUNN: We play a unique blend of rockin' Americana drawing from deep within the roots of American folk music.  We pride ourselves on original tunes that both make a listener reflect as well as dance their ass off.  

VOLCANO: What covers do you play?

DUNN: We play a range of covers from funk to classic rock, from traditional pickers to modern rockers. Some artists include Neil Young, Paul Simon, Gillian Welch, The Band, The Presidents of the United States of America and the Scissor Sisters.    

VOLCANO: After a show nothing tastes better than?

DUNN: Preferably something cold and hoppy to drink, and something warm to eat. Usually, this amounts to Pabst Blue Ribbon and leftovers from dinner, which is also very satisfying.

VOLCANO: Do you think your music saves lives?

DUNN: The ultimate goal is to write music that someone can relate to, and that makes him or her happy. We're doing our best to make that happen!

[Olympia Ballroom, Friday, March 30, 9 p.m., $10 advance at Rainy Day Records, $13 door, 116 Legion Way SE, Olympia, 360.259.1589]

FUTURE THINGS ARE COMING >>>

The awesome talents of James Bender and Josh Casey, respectively:

REAL STORIES FROM REAL BARTENDERS >>>

I've been a bartender for a long time. I have met countless freaks, jerks, pervs, sweethearts, rockstars and crazies. Even though it's a physically and mentally exhausting job, these are the colorful people that make it all worthwhile. Well, that and the tips.

I'd like to share with you some of my personal experiences behind the bar, along with the stories from some of my fellow bartenders. Each week - under the clever heading of "Behind Bars" - I will dig into my memory bank - and the incident log books that all bars keep - to bring you some of my favorite stories.

Names of bars, bartenders and patrons have been changed or withheld to protect the innocent.

And the not so innocent.

Cheers!

This week...

It was time to dry out for a while, so Behind Bars took an extra long smoke break. But, just like the reliable drunk that you always run into, slurring and staggering, Behind Bars is back with some more rounds of excitement.

Over the next few weeks I will blog favorite "caught in the act" stories from the never-ending list of shameless and entertaining shenanigans that drunken people find themselves in, and the sometimes hilarious, sometimes fucked up outcomesthat ensue.

Caught in the Act Part 1

"Hungry Man"

Once upon a time, bars had to pretend they were restaurants by offering patrons something from the kitchen. Often, that kitchen was a microwave, and TV dinners were on the menu. At the bar I was working at the time, Hungry Man Salisbury Steak was the specialty and priced at $14.95. Needless to say, no one ever bought them. So, way in the back of the bar, to appease the law, we had a freezer stuffed with Hungry Mans.

One night, we caught a rather large, drunk man trying to escape the bar with his sweatpants full of hungry man frozen dinners! He tried to swagger out the front, sweatpants resembling a Hefty garbage bag, the corners of many freezer burned meat packages poking through the fabric. (Insert blue balls joke here.) We were shocked and amused, as we demanded he hand over the goods. He awkwardly, and rather sadly, returned the stolen items. We thought about throwing them away, but returned the meals to their rightful place in the freezer in the back of the bar, thinking we'd better have them on hand, just in case someone got hungry. We are law-abiding bartenders, after all.

And what became of the swaggering sweatpants bandit? He was promptly 86'd and filed in the logbook under "Dumb Asses."

Check back next week for who gets caught, doing god knows what.

Cheers!

LINK: Past Behind Bars columns

ONLINE CHATTER >>>

Today's comment of the day comes from It's Me! in response to Nikki Talotta's story on Olympia's all-female shooting club Pistols and Petticoats.

It's Me! Writes,

I'd be pissed if I was in the lane next to the woman in the blue shirt. It looks like she's pointing the gun directly at the lane barrier next to her.

SATURDAY, MARCH 31, 2012 >>>

1. The rites of spring are coming fast and furious these days. Valhalla will unfold on earth once again when the weekly Proctor Farmers Market opens for the season from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday, March 31. While your best bets for fresh produce this time of year include asparagus, rhubarb, salad greens, edible flowers, fiddleheads, wild mushrooms and green onions, this popular farmers markets doesn't stop there: You'll also find meats and cheeses, fresh-cut flowers, garden gadgets, artisanal crafts, and concessions, with plenty of free samples being doled out. John Hoover and the Quinns and Kendl ad Joe (Southern Skies) will entertain. And Wilridge Winery of Seattle will be pouring. Come see the farmers market the Weekly Volcano readers voted Super Best Farmers Market of 2011.

2. If you're looking for a prom dress, you should attend the "It's All About the Dress" event from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. at the University of Puget Sound Memorial Field House. This one-day only special sales event showcasing nearly 3,000 brand-name evening, prom and wedding dresses - including large selection of tuxedos and accessories - starting at $19.99. Many of the dresses still have price tags on them, and most have only been worn once. Proceeds from the event help fund Goodwill's job training and placement services for people in the community with disabilities and disadvantages.

3. If you dig Jack Johnson's music, you relish in local singer/songwriter KC Brakes's show at 8 p.m. in C.I. Shenanigan's lounge. Arrive early for that coveted fireplace table.

4. The New York Death Metal Fest with Nocturnal Slaughter, Truculence, God Denied, Future Disorder and American Wrecking Company will invade Uncle Sam's American Bar & Grill in Spanaway beginning at 9 p.m.

5. J. Elquist of The Camp - or whatever he's calling his Camp 6 organization since being served a cease and desist order from the Camp 6 Logging Museum in Point Defiance Park - hosts Static Snap every Saturday night at The Deltan Club, which sits on the top floor of the former Drake's nightclub at Seventh and Commerce. Beginning at 10 p.m. and closing the doors at 3 a.m., Static Snap kicks off tonight with DJs Omarvelous and The X-Man.

PLUS: More awesome event suggestions in our Weekend Hustle

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music and DJs in the South Sound

LINK: South Sound happy hours