BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

It's all a blur now. Workdays. Weekends. What does it matter? You, like nearly everyone else, have been officially sucked into the holiday vortex - pulled by a magnetic force with the strength of ten thousand elephants towards malls, Costcos, Targets, and anywhere else where the exchange of money for goods is the way of the land. Though tomorrow is Saturday, and the next day is Sunday - and that - by definition - is a weekend of potential relaxation, there's no rest for the weary when it comes to the holidays.

Still, you can't shop THE ENTIRE time. You'll need to refuel. You'll need a few drinks, or an activity aside from the credit card swipe, and inevitably you'll search for some action.

Luckily, the Prefunk is here - a weekly weekend primer for you and your liver - with a picture of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for good measure.

DJ Headliner at Bull Market and Paradise Bowl in Parkland

Saturday, Dec. 4

OK. I'll cut straight to the goddamn chase on this one. I recently got an email alerting me to a regular event in the area I had no idea existed. It said, and I quote, "DJ Billi Fualauu and Mary Kay Letourneau top 40" - EVERY Saturday night at Bull Market Bar and Grill/Paradise Bowl.

"Wow," I said to myself. "Wow ..."

This is what it's come to.

Naturally, I did some background research. First of all, the email should have said DJ Vili Fualaau - though considering the fact I knew the character in question only as that kid who boffed Mary K Letourneau and ended up marrying her, and I recognized his name either way, I suppose it didn't really matter. ...

"Could Vili Fualaau and Mary Kay Letourneau REALLY have a weekly gig in Parkland?" was the natural question I was left asking myself. I knew he was a DJ, and I knew they'd done "Hot For Teacher" nights at a few clubs, but could this really be a regular thing?

The emailer said it was true, claiming it'd been going for about a month and a half.

A MONTH AND A HALF ... In PARKLAND!

It seemed like a revelation that needed verification.  I wanted to pass along the info, but could this really be happening? Could I really be a month and a half late to the Vili Fualaau, Mary Kay Letourneau Parkland party? Jesus ...

So I called the Bull Market. It was loud when whoever I reached picked up the phone. As I shouted my question, the absurdity of it all somehow became so much more obvious. "IS MARY KAY LETOURNEAU AT YOUR BAR EVERY SATURDAY!?!"

When the other end of the line asked me to repeat myself, I considered it a sign and simply hung up.

My gut was telling me it was true, and I trusted the source, but still I wanted verification ...

So I went to old friend Internet. After some futile searching, I found what I was looking for. 

Vili Fualaau is DJ Headline. DJ Headline is Vili Fualaau - who is that kid who boffed Mary Kay Letourneau and ended up marrying her. Together, they most definitely are the "DJ Billy Faulaau and Mary Kay Letourneau," from my email.

Most importantly, DRUM ROLL PLEASE ...

They've got a WEEKLY GIG gig at the Bull Market Bar and Grill/Paradise Bowl - in Parkland every Saturday night.

I don't even really have a joke for all of this. Sometimes reality is good enough.

PREFUNK: What does it matter? The apocalypse must surely be upon us. Just watch this so you know what you're getting yourself into before heading to the Bull Market in Parkland.