Bobble Tiki sees them on the coldest South Sound days, when the merciless wind takes the breath right out of his lungs and snot freezes in his soul patch: people without hats.
Hey, South Sounders, it's freakinâ€™ cold out! Put a damn hat on!
Is your fauxhawk really all that important? Or maybe you feel silly in a toque. How attractive do you think you are with red ears, shivering like a cold idiot?
Now, not everyone owns a hat â€" it's a heartbreaking but true observation on the state of the social safety net. Even those who do might be prone to losing them; maybe that sniffling wretch has just left his on the Tacoma Link. But people with hoods who don't raise them have no excuse. A hood is the definitive hat â€" it even takes care of your neck and the sides of your face. Whenever Bobble Tiki sees a hood lying limp on the back of some freezing moron, it fills him with such rage that he can barely keep his gloved hands off the moronâ€™s scarfless throat ... but, you know, it's just so cold out. â€" Bobble Tiki