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In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least helps you find something to do other than Google crazy Charlie Sheen interviews on YouTube.

This week's Ragnet takes us back to school, a place becoming more absurd with every passing day.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

What's more impressive - the fact that, according to Tacoma School District officials, KCPQ television and some poorly shot cell phone video a group of sixth-grade boys at Tacoma's Stewart Middle School had organized and were apparently operating something the media has dubbed a "fight club?"

Or simply the fact that sixth-grade boys apparently know about the movie Fight Club at all?

Before answering, consider: Fight Club the movie came out in 1999. No sixth-grader has read the book. Just because your weed dealer is always watching the movie doesn't mean sixth-graders have been equally exposed to the classic piece of Edward Norton cinema featuring Brad Pitt's abs and a bag of liposuctioned fat. After all, by hazy, Weekly Volcano Crime Desk math, there's a good chance 1999 was before some of these kids were born.

OK, OK. So Spike TV probably HAS aired Fight Club enough times for plenty of sixth-graders to have run across it, and the fact that a lot of kids likely have seen the movie isn't as shocking as we're trying to make it sound. Sorry. Any chance to point out how long ago 1999 was, however, we're always going to take - it makes Driscoll feel old.

But back to the story. Not only was there a "fight club" allegedly operating at Stewart Middle School, but it was recently busted after the television station KCPQ aired cell phone video Sunday apparently shot by one of the kids involved that ... you guessed it ... showed two sixth-grade boys beating the crap out of each other in a school bathroom. According to The News Tribune, Tacoma Public Schools spokesman Dan Voelpel (formerly of the very same paper) said school officials viewed the video Monday, Feb. 28, (after its Sunday airing on KCPQ) and shortly thereafter expelled nine boys for their alleged participation.

Voepel went on to tell The News Tribune that the boys suspended were friends and the fights were set up after school, with rules, and they usually happened in a boys' bathroom at Stewart or at the kids' homes. Voepel specifically noted one rule as being, "no hitting your opponent in the face," and said officials got involved after seeing the video on KCPQ. None of the boys' parents had reported anything.

Just so we're straight, this all means there are nine sixth-grade boys barred from attending school right now because - at the rambunctious age of 11 or 12 - they engaged in a "fight club" with friends. This, considering no one was injured enough for teachers or Stewart Middle School staff to notice, and no parents ever caught wind of it.

We're certainly not condoning sixth-grade boys beating each other up for sport - but the kid who put it on video totally deserves a wedgie.

You didn't have to worry about that in 1999. ... - Bob Paulson, Tacoma Fight Club Correspondent

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