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Change of course

The Evergreen State College sets ambitious goal of instituting grades by 2012

THE EVERGREEN STATE COLLEGE: Will grades harsh its mellow? Photo by J.M. Simpson

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In an unexpected turn of events that has many alumni and current students scratching their heads (even more so than usual), The Evergreen State College announced earlier this week a plan to institute grades at the state's most liberal of liberal arts colleges by 2012. Originally founded in 1967 as a state run "experimental" and "nontraditional" institution of higher learning, one of Evergreen's guiding principles over its 40 plus years of existence has been shunning the standard grading system in favor of narrative evaluations. The decision to institute grades at Evergreen in two years, by 2012 - instead of immediately - was made because of a number of varying factors, according to school officials, including: the price of hemp, the seven months of training Evergreen professors are expected to need to "wrap their heads" around a traditional grading system, as well as the unpredictable touring schedule of a reunited Phish.

"This is a big day for Evergreen," says Rayna Rain Moonunit, herself an Evergreen grad who, "just never seemed to leave Olympia." Moonunit, now an administrative assistant in interim Evergreen Provost and Academic Vice President Ken Tabbutt's office, was given permission to speak about the school's decision because Tabbutt is currently unavailable, nursing endangered hairy nosed wombats back to health in the outback.

"There were a number of reasons for the decision. It's not something we rushed into," Moonunit continues. "First of all, as a leader in the sustainability movement among colleges in the U.S., we just couldn't sleep at night anymore knowing how many reams of paper are expended at Evergreen by fifth-year students writing self-evaluations for their interpretive organic yoga programs.

"Yes, there is such a thing as interpretive organic yoga - and if you don't know about it it's because you're a hopeless mainstream tool - but that's not the point," Moonunit goes on to say. "The point is Evergreen is instituting grades, and it's very exciting. Our school has long been heralded as ‘the Harvard of liberal arts colleges,' and we're looking forward to seeing how our inspired student body will react to the new grading system.  We're expecting great things.

"Or, at the very least, we're expecting students to think twice now before writing term papers on mushrooms. That's been an issue in the past."

Not surprisingly, however, much of Evergreen's student body remains unsold. With many students spending modest amounts of their parents' money - or even borrowing it - to obtain a degree with an emphasis on obscure Ginsberg poetry or Greek mythology - purely academic endeavors that sounded a lot more reasonable prior to the economic recession - students we spoke to expressed fears about how the change might affect the Evergreen experience, the approach of faculty and professors, and most importantly the overall learning environment.

"How the fuck exactly are they going to grade me when all we do is sit around a goddamn table and talk about our liberal guilt and how the book Invisible Man relates to the time Emily worked at Red Robin?" asked one particularly bewildered looking student who asked to go unnamed but wore a distinct red hunting hat.

"They're a bunch of goddamn phonies anyway."

Despite the reservations of some students - and undoubtedly some faculty as well, many of whom have grown accustomed to their Subaru Outback existences where not being expected to hold students accountable leaves plenty of time for working on chap books - Evergreen officials stand prepared to press on with the ambitious objective of bringing grades to the school by 2012.

"We realize this change is going to come as a shock to many people - and a culture shock to much of the Evergreen community," says Moonunit. "In the scheme of things, though, we think it's a change students will eventually come to embrace. It's not like we're saying, ‘You have to wear shoes!' It's not like we're saying, ‘No more ironic, transgender Kung Fu club.' It's not like we're saying, ‘Hey, guess what? String Cheese Incident fucking sucks, and they can't speak at commencement.'

"We're just saying, after careful consideration, maybe grades aren't such a bad idea after all. It gets hard pretending every Grateful Dead song is good and just as valid as the next, you know? Deep down, we all know that's not true. Phil Lesh was no Jerry Garcia, man. Sometimes - even if it seems harsh - people need to know they're a Phil Lesh and not a Jerry.

"All jams are not created equal. Evergreen graduates - especially after college, when they enter into the workforce as independent video store clerks - need to know this."

APRIL FOOLS'

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