Quick story: I went to a summer camp called CYO (the Catholic Youth Organization) for reasons that are unexplainable. I didn't grow up religious, but this was a necessity for some reason. There was a steep, dangerous hill, adorned with gnarled roots, that kids could climb up and then slide down on pieces of cardboard. This topographical deathtrap was dubbed "Suicide Hill." When I came back the next year, the hill was still active and ready to maim children, but it had been re-dubbed "Sunshine Hill."

Such is the tightrope that summer camps walk along. Threaten kids with the possibility of Frenching and hospitalization, but put a good face on it.

Here are some camps that your children may go off to this summer in the hopes of kissing other kids and maybe ending up in traction:

Offense-Defense Football Camp at Pacific Lutheran University (O-D.com)
Getting your children indoctrinated in the completely healthy world of sports couldn't start soon enough, so why not send them to this camp that regularly turns kids into implements of destruction with minds set on landing multi-million dollar salaries? The camp serves kids ranging from grades one through 12.

Camp Invention (CampInvention.org)
At this camp, kids are encouraged to think creatively, to tackle real-world problems and to invent their own mechanisms for guiding themselves through an increasingly complex world. For kids in grades between one and six, this is a camp that emphasizes the most exciting parts of learning in a way that makes it compelling.

High Speed Fun and Energy Detectives (AmericasCarMuseum.org)
LeMay - America's Car Museum, is a gallery of automobiles collected by an eccentric billionaire. Perched atop a view of downtown Tacoma, the place is a plethora of riches for those that are into cars. This summer, they're opening their doors for a couple of summer camps for those who are into the beauty of pure speed and those who are interested in exploring the future of the automotive industry. High Speed Fun features race car simulations, while Energy Detectives will discuss technological advancements in the car world.

Adventure Treks (AdventureTreks.org)
In order to avoid becoming a hermit-like curmudgeon like me, it's probably good to get your kids into the wilderness as early and often as possible (barring any enthusiasm-killing bear attacks). Adventure Treks offers adventures in the great outdoors that will likely foster a love for not closing yourself up in your dark living room.

Alpengirl Girls Summer Adventure Camp (AlpengirlCamp.com)
If we're being perfectly honest, boys can be a drag. This is why something like Alpengirl Girls Summer Adventure Camp is so cool: for girls ages 11 to 17, this camp provides awesome excursions into the wilds of the Pacific Northwest and the Northern Rocky Mountains with a bounty of rugged outdoor activities to explore.

iD Tech Camp (IDTech.com)
Yes, ideally, summer camps would be about getting away from the time-killing activities that keep us locked away in our houses for the rest of the year. Still, iD Tech Camp is less about playing video games (though it is partially about that) and more about becoming intimately familiar with coding and creating in a world that is constantly evolving. This is camping for the future.

Adamah Adventures (AdamahAdventures.org)
Much like Alpengirl's focus is on a demographic that normally gets shunned when it comes to expanding horizons and getting positive attention, Adamah Adventures does a similar thing. For Jewish teens in grades four to 11, Adamah Adventures provides all of the wild experiences that other camps do, like the requisite whitewater rafting and zip-lining.

Ekone Ranch Summer Camp (Ekone.org)
For those looking to expand their knowledge and appreciation of horses (first of all, don't watch Secretariat), Ekone Ranch Summer Camp promises to enrich your experience with these animals through long rides through majestic scenery. Located on the edge of the Gorge, Ekone Ranch is the place to experience the beauty of nature as well as the cooperatively profound sensation of riding a horse. Also, it's fun to ride a horse. Try it.

Alexa Cafe (IDTech.com)
Because it's very important for girls and women to feel welcome in an increasingly hostile and claustrophobic tech world, programs like Alexa Cafe have become a necessity. This camp, subtitled "Chic, All-Girls Tech Learning Experience," gives girls ages 10 to 15 a chance to design their own apps, films, websites and all manner of technological marvels for the betterment of a society that is making outstanding leaps, technologically, but is failing in more empathetic areas.

Columbia Gorge School of Theatre (CGST.com)
Besides my experiences with Suicide Hill, I also attended a theater camp as a kid. It was a nerve-racking and exciting experience that deposited me straight into the world of performance, far away from home. The Columbia Gorge School of Theatre is a similarly intimate camp that gives you instruction in all aspects of performing, from musicals to drama to film acting, and everything in between.

Martial Arts Summer Immersion Camp (425.803.6800)
Remember how Inspector Clouseau would have his assistant, Cato, surprise attack him from time to time to keep him on his toes? That's sort of how I imagine this martial arts immersion camp working. I imagine it's not as violent, being that they welcome kids as young as 4 years old, but the idea of an intense immersion into the art of kicking butt is an interesting one. I plan on keeping my doughy body far away from this one.

School of Rock Seattle Summer Camp: Classic Rock Rewind (seattle.SchoolOfRock.com)
This weeklong camp will explore music of the ‘60s and ‘70s, ending in a rock concert from the kids. Their literature promises that the kids will "ROCK," so I would expect a whole lot of butt-rock and denim jackets. With band names like Led Zeppelin and AC/DC being floated around, there's guaranteed to be some adorable guitar solos and pre-pubescent head-banging.

CYO Camp Don Bosco (SeattleArchDiocese.org)
This is where I went as a kid. There's a lake and hiking and not really too much to complain about. You'll learn about God. Ask them about Suicide Hill, if you think of it.