Toughest military spouse

A German native, she is married to an Army officer. She has two sons and a daughter who has Down syndrome.  She has endured three deployments, during which she sent two or more packages a week to her husband. She has battled culture shock, learned how to work the military health care system, and use U.S. banking practices.  In her spare time, she has reached out to other spouses of deployed soldiers, created a German spouses' support group, and a Web site that contains information about military bases.

"Susanna is tireless," said Sabine Anderson, a longtime family friend and wife of a retired Army chaplain. "She is energetic and has a can-do attitude.  She takes any situation thrown at her and turns it into something good. She is great at sharing her knowledge and experience with others."

For these and many other reasons, Haynie was selected as the Fort Lewis Toughest Military Spouse.  

Overcoming obstacles

Haynie's life has been filled with obstacles, which she thrives on overcoming.

"When you have difficult things to deal with, you just have to do it," she said. "Whine once in awhile if you need to, but accept whatever is thrown at you. When things go wrong, be strong."

She gave an example of her strength in telling about an incident that occurred shortly after her younger son's birth.

Haynie was home with her three children - Tyler, Anna, and Alex, who are now 15, 13, and 11 respectively.  Anna was sitting in a bouncer chair; Alex was in his crib, and Tyler was playing.  Somehow Anna squirmed her way out of the bouncer and lacerated her tongue.  Haynie hustled all of her children out the door to the emergency room.

When she returned to her home, she realized that in all of the mayhem she had left the syringes, bottles and feeding items on the stove where they were being sterilized. 

There was no fire, but the house was covered with black soot.

"I called my husband and told him, ‘The good news is that the house did not burn down,'" Haynie, 42, said. "The bad news is that it is covered with black soot."

Like other daily challenges, Haynie did not let the incident get her down.  She and her husband scrubbed the soot off of the walls and furniture, and life went on.

On a recent afternoon, Haynie chatted about some of her experiences as a military spouse.  
 
Living in America

Born and raised in Karlsruhe, Germany, Haynie had to make a lot of adjustments when she moved to the United States.  Although she did not become a U.S. citizen until 2007, she came to the United States in 1995, two years after she married Timothy Haynie, a major assigned to I Corps.  Back then, she didn't think she had culture shock, but today, she knows better.

First of all, after completing a three-year, comprehensive banker's apprenticeship in Germany, the U.S. banking system seemed antiquated.

"I could not believe that I had to write checks and balance a checkbook," she said.

"In Germany everything is electronic."

Also she had no idea how to do simple tasks such as pumping gas.

"In the United States, you pump gas every day," she said. "In Germany, we didn't. There were so many things that were different when I came here that I felt like a complete idiot." 

Military deployments

When she married her husband she knew he would have to deploy, and with three deployments under her belt, she has learned to cope.

"The psychological pressure of worrying about my husband being in danger is really tough," she said. "Every time I see a memorial for fallen soldiers and see the boots, weapons, and helmets, it tears me up.  That could be me, and that is very hard to deal with. But I do it."

Somehow she manages to support her family during deployments, her son, Alex, said.

"My mom has to deal with all three of us," he said. "We're all going through changes, and we need a lot from her.  She fixes the truck when it breaks down, and that happens a lot.  And I am always breaking things, and that gets expensive. She has so much pressure, but she is always there for us."

Alex's brother, Tyler, agreed.  He appreciates all of the effort his mother puts into the family, he said.

"My mom is so devoted to us," he said. "She handles everything here - and worries about dad too."

Haynie's husband deployed for the first time in 2003 at the onset of the war in Iraq.  Her children were 2, 4, and 6 at the time, and the experience gave her newfound appreciation for single parents.

"I don't know how single parents do it," she said. "I just have to count down the days until my husband comes back.  Single parents don't have anyone to come back."

Since 2003, Haynie has established a support system.

"Spouses of deployed soldiers are drawn to each other; it's almost magnetic," she said. "Military spouses have to accept the deployments and grow with it.  We are not born military spouses.  You start it when you marry, and you have to learn how to do it."  

Family

The birth of her daughter, Anna, was another big challenge. For starters, Haynie was not sure she could take care of a daughter with Down syndrome, and on top of that, she did not understand the TRICARE health system.

"We had a doctor that I did not know," she said. "Prenatal care was very different. And the support was not there for a child with Down syndrome."

However, for this tough spouse, thoughts such as "I can't handle this" lasted about 24 hours, when she learned that Anna had congestive heart failure.  Faced with losing her daughter, she fell in love with her.  But Anna had health problems.  She failed to thrive.

"It was tough," she said.  "She needed surgery, but her doctor would not risk it until she weighed nine pounds."

To help her daughter, Haynie sat with a bowl between her legs and fed Anna with a syringe.  Then Anna would vomit in the bowl, and Haynie measured how much she threw up and how much she kept down.  This was followed by daily doctor appointments.

"I just did what I had to do to take care of my daughter," she said. "I don't feel like I was any different than other mothers."

After Anna had heart surgery, she thrived, as did Haynie.  Her kids participated in sports - baseball and soccer - and the family went mountain biking, hiking, and running for charities.

In addition to her commitment to her family, she still challenges herself.  Recently she competed in a bodybuilding competition.

"My neighbors all helped me," she said.  "One lady did my makeup while another helped me with my bikini.  There were two people in my weight group, and I came in second.  But I stepped out of my box.  Stepping out there in a bikini was tough.  I had to get over myself."