It might be kind of difficult to parse the bars on the bustling Sixth Avenue for someone new to town, but I will try. Here, in the simplest terms possible, are the bars you may encounter on your journey across Sixth Avenue ... and what you can expect to find.

Metro Gruv: Formerly the douche cave simply known as Gruv, this bar was recently transformed into a gay bar, and any musty Axe body spray residue that may have lingered was summarily wiped away with the addition of the strangely transgressive mural of a rainbow and unicorn on the wall of the bar. (3829 Sixth Ave., Tacoma)

The Red Hot: Serving only beer and wine, the Red Hot is less of a place to get wild on a Saturday night and more a place you'd feel comfortable grabbing a beer at any day of the week. Big plus: the amazing selection of hot dogs, which range from the very basic to the absurdly fancy. (2914 Sixth Ave., Tacoma)

Engine House No. 9: It's at this point that you may begin to feel a very college-y vibe. Engine House No. 9 is extremely popular with students, largely because of the reasonably priced drinks and large, open layout that encourages shouted conversations and general rowdiness. (611 N Pine St., Tacoma)

Masa: Ten-dollar cover for you, brah, but your lady can get in for free. They wave you with a wand upon entrance, like the place is an airport. If you have any concealed weapons, now is the time to dispose of them. (2811 Sixth Ave., Tacoma)

Jazzbones: As the years stretch on, it becomes harder and harder to define just what Jazzbones is. Starting its life as a blues club, it has since transformed into a place that serves Asian fusion while the hairspray-consortium of Kry wails in the background. It is ALWAYS packed, so be prepared to stand in line outside the door - a classic sight on Sixth Avenue. (2803 Sixth Ave., Tacoma)

Six Olives: This place advertises itself as a martini bar, which just might be code for the type of clientele they're looking for. If you've ever listened to the Sex Pistols, perhaps this bar isn't for you. Otherwise, what lovely martinis! (2708 Sixth Ave., Tacoma)

Crown Bar: Like Six Olives but more relaxed, the Crown Bar serves up darn good cocktails and has a really comfortable environment. If you own the G.G. Allin box set, perhaps this bar isn't for you. (2705 Sixth Ave., Tacoma)

Chopstix: Two dueling pianos, drunk girls swinging hoola hoops, more Jello shots than you can count. It's stupid fun. (2702 Sixth Ave., Tacoma)

O'Malley's Irish Pub: By Now you're feeling pretty drunk. Join your fellow drunkies at O'Malley's, and admire the "Erin Go Bragh!" mural while also reflecting on how little the place has to do with anything Irish. Then drink some more. (2403 Sixth Ave., Tacoma)

Dirty Oscar's Annex: The shape of the bar itself reminds you of the one on Cheers. You are now very drunk. Two options: go home, or order one of DOA's peanut butter-bacon-banana burgers. You know what to do. (2309 Sixth Ave., Tacoma)

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