Experiencing the death of a loved one is a fact of life.

And when a loved one dies, it can be difficult to help children cope with the loss, particularly as the surviving parent(s) confront their own grief.

Counselors say that how much children grasp about death depends upon their age, life experiences and personality.

"Grief is complicated - there is no timeline to how one integrates it into their life," said Michelle Schuyleman, a family support coordinator with BRIDGES: A Center for Grieving Children.

Started in 1988, and a part of MultiCare and the Mary Bridge Children's Hospital & Health Center, BRIDGES is a nonprofit and nonsectarian organization that has worked with more than 1,200 children from 900 families.

The center is a family-based grief support program where families with children, ages 4 to 18 who have experienced the death of a parent or sibling, or who are living with someone who is seriously ill, come together to heal.  In order to do this, the center offers support groups just for children as well as for adults.

Families typically stay in the program for 14 to 16 months - sometimes longer, depending up the circumstances of the death.

They meet from 6 to 8 p.m. at the center twice a month.

After a potluck dinner, children and adults divide into groups appropriate for their ages.  Trained, volunteer facilitators lead these groups.

The center is currently looking for more volunteer facilitators.

The groups emphasize discussion and peer interaction - it is a time when the freedom to recount memories or express feelings and concerns is important.

Other activities may include working with clay, drama, music, games, memory projects, puppets and other forms of recreation.

"I have found that all children want is to talk about the person they've lost and to hear that they are normal," pointed out Schuyleman.

To emphasize her point, Schuyleman recalled a line from Carol Staudacher's book, A Time To Grieve: Meditations for Healing After the Death of a Loved One, which reads, "I can tell it and tell it until I no longer need to.  And each time I tell it, I remove one small bit of hurt from inside and ease my wound."

She also pointed out that while the grieving process never really ends, the program helps children cross from bereavement to hope - as though crossing a bridge - in order to put "color back into their lives."

One way to do this is to engage in a ritual that allows individuals the ability to remain connected to the one who has died.

"You let them go, but you remain connected," said Schuyleman.

"The creation of a ritual, like remembering a birthday or lighting a candle helps children stay connected."