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Patriots' Rob Gronkowski dances (shirtless) to his own beat

Yo soy fiesta, bro!

Rob Gronkowski / Photo courtesy of Facebook

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In honor of the close of the NFL season, here's one more Cup Check entirely dedicated to the pigskin ...

As I've noted before, the absolute truth is rarely black and white. The world is full of subtleties and shades of gray, and nothing is as simple or straightforward as it seems.

Except for Rob Gronkowski. That dude's a dillhole.

Gronkowski, of course, is the New England Patriots' star tight end, who set the NFL single-season receiving touchdown record for his position this year with 17, and emerged as one of the league's premier threats in the passing game. Rob (or Roberto), who attended the University of Arizona, is also the most talented of three Gronkowski boys to make the NFL and the second youngest of five brothers according to Wikipedia. Gronk's brothers Chris and Dan Gronkowski have also spent time on several NFL rosters (with nowhere near the success).

When he's healthy - as he wasn't at times during his collegiate career, and certainly wasn't during last Sunday's Super Bowl, suffering from what was described as a high-ankle sprain - Gronkowski is a beast on the field, nearly unstoppable thanks to his size, athleticism, the mismatches that creates and the trust Tom Brady has in him.

Off the field, however, the star tight end has shown a propensity for clueless behavior and jaw-dropping stupidity.

First, as you'll recall, in October there was the Bibi Jones mini-scandal. Jones, a porn star, posted pictures of herself and a shirtless Gronkowski to her Twitter account - with Jones wearing Gronkowski's jersey (and presumably nothing else). Jones, to be modest, is a BIG FAN of pro sports and the famous athletes who play them, telling Business Insider she's hooked up with countless pro baseball players over the years to help a Major League Baseball agent in Arizona sign clients. 

(Note: Looks like she's gearing up for another big year.)

Naturally, the wholesome, Rush Limbaugh-friendly Patriots' organization, guided by owner Robert Kraft, was a little embarrassed by having their star tight end photographically linked to a professional sexual temptress. Gronkowski was made to apologize, telling the world he never meant to "hurt the reputation" of the New England Patriots. (The Patriots, of course, take their shining reputation very seriously.)

For most of the rest of the season, Gronkowski's overflowing stupidity laid low, and the pass-catching, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle-like behemoth stuck to what he does best - excelling on the field and monstrously spiking footballs in celebration. However, it wasn't long before the Patriots football success led to Gronkowski being put in front of cameras once more.

The results: Gronkowski's now infamous "Yo soy fiesta" proclamation on ESPN Deportes after advancing to the Super Bowl. (NOTE: Gronkowski's "Yo so fiesta" proclamation was actually preceded by an almost-equally bad - albeit in English - postgame interview the week before after beating Denver to advance to the AFC Championship Game.)

Again, Gronkowski's idiocy was in public view. And yet, the constant smile on Gronk's face would seem to indicate he remains unfazed or unaware.

One would think (or hope) that by this point Gronkowski would realize he simply doesn't do well in front of cameras, and especially doesn't do well when made to speak in full sentences that don't involve the phrases "beer run" or "I'm gonna take my shirt off now."

But that would be wrong - and not just because it uses the words "think" and "Gronkowski" in the same sentence.

It's quite the opposite. Gronkowski seems to love the cameras - seems to crave attention the way a Golden Retriever craves fetching a stick or eating cat s*** out of the litter box.

The Gronk provided even more evidence of this fact just hours after his team's crushing loss in Super Bowl XLVI.

In a story that's circulated wildly since early this week, with, not surprisingly, Deadspin leading the way and help from plenty of Boston-area local media outlets and radio stations - Gronkowski and Patriots' lineman Matt Light were repeatedly photographed and videotaped dancing shirtless during a performance by the pop group LMFAO during the team's official post Super Bowl party (which was held at "Victory Field" ... oops.)

Gronkowski, who appeared extremely limited by his ankle injury during the Super Bowl - having been the intended receiver on Tom Brady's key fourth quarter interception - took the opportunity to mindlessly gyrate, flail and almost take his shirt off for, at the very least, an astounding 54 seconds caught on video.  

Is it remarkably dumb to videotaped dancing and partying at a Super Bowl after party mere hours after your team has lost said Super Bowl?

Of course it is. It's not illegal, but it certainly displays questionable judgment.

But what's worse?

LMFAO is fucking terrible.

Rob Gronkowski, in a somewhat harmless way, may just be the dumbest jock alive. He epitomizes the stereotype, every second of every day.

I'll be happy to take an offseason from the Gronk.


Former Heisman Trophy winner, NFL rushing leader and bong hit proponent Ricky Williams announced his retirement from football this week. The announcement, which came via a press release from Williams' alma mater, the University of Texas, ended a bizarre pro career that began when then-New Orleans Saints head coach Mike Ditka traded all of the team's draft picks in 1999, plus a first and third rounder in 2000, to select the running back fifth overall. As the ESPN story recapping Williams' career notes, since winning the Heisman Trophy at Texas and joining the Saints in 1999, Williams rushed for 10,009 yards and scored 74 touchdowns, while also becoming one of only 26 NFL running backs to rush for more than 10,000 yards in a career. Williams also spent the 2006 season playing for Toronto in the Canadian Football League after being suspended from the NFL for being peeing stoned. Early in his career, Williams developed a reputation for strangeness, based largely on his misunderstood shyness, and tendency to give interviews to swaths of reporters while hiding behind a facemask shield. On his Twitter account, Williams told followers the day news of his retirement circulated, "Thank you all, but this ain't it, I'm gonna do something really special.'Be you and change the world.'" (The tweet was later deleted for some reason.) No word yet on whether "something really special," involves opening a yoga studio or acupuncture clinic. ... According to reports by multiple news outlets including the Associated Press and figures released by NBC, the online live stream of the Super Bowl this year drew 2.1 million unique viewers. That's a small number when compared to the 111.3 million viewers NBC says watched the game on real TV, but it's still big enough to make it the most-watched single-game in online sports event history. Of course, nothing really touches the 28,000 Internet users who CNBC reports are viewing online porn EVERY SECOND. ... Finally, in the too-good-to-be-true category, we learned this week that Denver Broncos' running back Knowshon Moreno was recently charged with drunken driving and careless driving after getting pulled over in south Denver on Feb. 1. According to reports by the Denver Post citing the television station FOX KDVR-31 in Denver, Moreno, currently rehabbing a torn ACL, was driving a Bentley convertible with personalized license plates that read "SAUCED" at the time of the incident. That's classic.   

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