When Norma Melo learned that her 47-year-old husband, Julian Melo, was killed in northern Iraq along with 18 others from his Stryker Brigade Dec. 21, 2004, her life as she knew it was over.

“I was devastated,” said Melo, now a volunteer with T.A.P.S., which stands for Tragedy Assistance Program For Survivors. “Had it not been for Bonnie Carroll (T.A.P.S. director) I don’t know what I would have done.”

Carroll, a resident of Alaska, was on vacation when she heard the news about the Mosul mess hall tragedy caused by a suicide bomber. “She cancelled her trip, got on a plane, and flew right down to Fort Lewis to be with all of us,” said Melo. “She helped us in so many ways. I remember thinking, ‘I’ll never be like that. I’ll never have that kind of strength.’”

Melo found not only strength but the courage to volunteer her time and come alongside others who have lost loved ones to the current conflict.

“In fact, by May of the next year, I was helping by talking to community groups, telling them how to assist people who have lost someone,” she said.

Melo is a certified peer mentor, which means she has the training to help those who have suffered a loss. All volunteers have gone through the grieving process, Melo said. All have lost someone due to tragic circumstances.

T.A.P.S. provides a number of volunteers to man a 24-hour hotline for those who have received bad news. It also provides one-on-one support and counseling mentors, such as Melo, to those who feel isolated and alone once they’ve heard a son, brother, father, uncle, or friend has been killed.

“People that have suffered this sort of loss often don’t know who to turn to,” Melo said. “They have yet to learn that there are many friends they didn’t know they even had —people who will be there to listen, who understand, who care.”

It doesn’t have to be an isolated, lonely journey, according to Melo and other volunteers like her. Seminars are held annually, where total strangers get together to learn about how to cope under the strain of loss. The Washington, D.C.-based nonprofit veterans service organization also holds a four-day “sleep over,” where “folks learn to remember to love the person they have lost, to honor that person by moving forward,” said Melo.

Funds donated to the nonprofit group go to defray expenses such as manning an office or telephone lines. More importantly, though, is getting the news out to community groups so they know appropriate ways to help.

“We teach people how to be patient with the process,” said Melo. “Not everyone grieves the same way or in the same time frame. Our mission is to empower those who have suffered this loss.”

To learn more about T.A.P.S., visit its Web site at www.taps.org. For those who are grieving, know you can call the 24-hour hotline at (800) 595-TAPS.