"Although stepfamilies look like first-time families on the outside, they are very different on the inside," said Patricia L. Papernow, EDD, of the Stepfamily Association of America.  With divorce on the rise, re-marrying and forming new family units is becoming more common - especially in the military community, where it presents further challenges.

Discipline can be particularly difficult with stepchildren since they may not respect their stepparent or view them as an authority figure.

"Being the stepmother while my husband was deployed was challenging, especially when the relationships were new. We have found what works best is for him to set the rules before he leaves, thus empowering me to enforce those rules. He tells her that he'll be checking in, and then he stands behind the decisions I make," said Tammy Usie, a military spouse and stepparent. "I can't say that it hasn't been met with resistance, but it has gotten better over time."

Along those same lines, transitioning between two family units can be hard for the children if the rules drastically differ. Military households tend to be more structured when compared to civilian households. There also needs to be consistency when dealing with the natural and stepchildren; favoritism is a common complaint from kids in blended families. Ideally, all the parents should communicate to create continuity for the children no matter the custody agreement.

According to licensed family therapist Geri Magee, the stepparent is typically under the most stress since he or she needs to find a balance between his or her own life and where he or she fits into the new family. Deployments can create problems in an already complex situation and increase the stress on the stepparent.

If it is the biological parent deploying, where do the children belong? In many cases, they would go live with the other biological parent and may have little or no contact with the stepparent for the duration of the deployment. This can lead to trouble for both the children and adults after the deployment when familial re-integration is twofold.

"Just adding mom or dad back in can be hard on kids let alone an entire family sub-system," explained Magee. For this reason it is optimal for the stepparent to stay involved while the spouse is deployed by attending sporting events and school functions as well as to maintain a civil relationship with the other biological parent.

On the other hand, if children will be left with a stepparent who has not adopted them, it is imperative that a power of attorney with a child's trust be put in place so the stepparent has the legal authority to properly care for the children during deployment.

The JAG offices on McCh­­­ord Air Force Base and Fort Lewis provide this service at no charge.

As with traditional families, members of stepfamilies may feel like they didn't choose each other. Yet with time, patience and an understanding of the dynamics in a blended family, stepparents and stepchildren can become a family as strong as any other.