You wake up at 4 a.m., knowing you'll have to be functional throughout the day.  But the wails coming from the room across the hall can't be ignored. You step into the dark room to soothe your child from her nightmare. As she whimpers in your arms, she lets out a plaintive, "I ... want ... my ... daddy ... to come home."

This sort of evening has been my reality for the last several weeks as I try to balance parenting, maintaining a household, and working full-time without the support of my significant other.

I'm lucky, though, because I can tell my only child, "Daddy's at Army school," and put her back to sleep secure in the knowledge that he'll be home in less than three months.

For Army wives Melanie Mugrage and Jessica Keck, the imminent deployment of their husbands to Iraq will leave them alone to care for their families through a more perilous deployment and for a longer period of time.

Keck, who has three children, aged 3, 4, and 5 years old, has been through an Iraqi deployment before as well as temporary duty assignments "all the time," she says, since her husband, Staff Sgt. Mike Keck of the 249th Engineer Battalion, leaves pretty frequently to help set up power generators.

When Mugrage's husband, Staff Sgt. Harry Mugrage of the 4th Stryker Brigade Combat Team, departs for Iraq, it will also be her second Iraqi deployment. However, the last deployment saw her pregnant and caring for her then 9-year-old and infant. This time, she'll be caring for a toddler, a preschooler, and a homeschooled 10-year-old.

"This time's a bit different," she said of the preparations. "They've watched him pack up his stuff.

"What's been easiest is being completely honest with them," she explained.

Keck also utilizes honesty, and brevity, when dealing with questions her kids might have. When they hear guns shooting on post and questions arise, she calmly tells the children, "They're just practicing shooting their guns." But she acknowledged, "The older they're getting, the harder it's getting."

Mugrage agreed.

"My ten-year-old is the most curious," she said.

Trista Huckleberry, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Washington Tacoma, is an expert on developmental issues pertaining to kids.

"As children grow, they process information and emotions differently. It is key to understand how these differences affect their ability to cope. For example, very young kids cannot often differentiate between the make believe worlds of television and reality. Therefore, as they see and hear both factual and fantasy information related to war and deployment, parents should frame this information in ways that help them understand in a way that is age-appropriate," she explained.

"For example, although the dangers of war are real, most soldiers do return and are healthy. Although there is extensive coverage of bullets and gunshots, that is not the reality for most deployed personnel. To alleviate the anxiety caused by news coverage, many parents of young children limit or prevent their younger children from watching. Older kids, much more in tune with the realities and risks, still have troubling anxiety. It is key to allow them to share these fears in an open and supportive fashion. It is often most helpful to have them involved in groups with other children or teens that face similar circumstances," Huckleberry said.

These are strategies that have been employed by Mugrage and Keck along with the strategies Huckleberry describes for maintaining connectedness with the deployed parent.

Huckleberry stated: "Overall, at any age, it is important to maintain the bond between parent and child through direct communication such as phone calls, e-mails and letters. In addition, particularly for younger children, symbolic representations and communications are often soothing; for example, saying hello to a picture of the parent, making cards for special holidays, and creating drawings.

"For older children this may emerge in the form of journaling or keeping a ‘when you get back' box of goodies to share. The key is maintaining a consistent emotional interaction with the parent, which is quite manageable even in their physical absence."

Another tool Mugrage and Keck use is the calendar, which is also a favored mechanism in my own household during this deployment.

Even with that calendar as a tool, however, some days are rougher than others.

Huckleberry offers advice for parents to help with healthy adjustment for kids through the rough parts of deployments.

"Research suggests that the best way the present parent or caregiver can help children with adjustment is by remaining emotionally healthy around her own fears and concerns. Although the shared acknowledgment expression between parent and child of fear is healthy to an extent, it is key that the present parent model appropriate coping responses and emotional regulation. If his or her fear becomes overwhelming or debilitating, it is important to seek outside professional assistance and not let the child become a repository for unmanaged fear and anxiety," Huckleberry said.

Mugrage's own philosophy echoes this.

"The better I cope with things, the better my kids cope with things," she said.

For Keck, keeping busy helps her to keep emotionally healthy.  "I'm constantly going," she said. "When I sit there I start thinking."

Keck finds that keeping things as normal as possible helps with adjustment as well.  It's a philosophy Mugrage shares. The two have found that involvement in the Enlisted Spouses' Club and with friends around Fort Lewis have been helpful in creating community. 

Mugrage says that the Enlisted Spouses Club provides a welcome break from the rigors of single parenting.

"You have to have that time to maintain sanity," she said.

Additionally, both Keck and Mugrage rely on interaction with their extended families.

During Staff Sgt. Mugrage's first deployment to Iraq, Mugrage moved home to Texas to be with her family; her older daughter became involved in 4-H and spent bonding time with her grandfather.

Mugrage offers one last word of advice for spouses of deployed soldiers, whether parenting or not: "Cutting yourself off makes it a lot worse.  Deployment's easier to deal with if you have support."