When I am dead and gone, I hope to be incinerated and have my ashes scattered in a greenside bunker on whatever my favorite golf course is at the time. Then, whenever someone's ball lands in the bunker and he or she has to blast out of it, it's possible that a little part of me will be "on the green" - where I eternally yearn to be. Golf is an infuriating sport, that's why I have switched to FootGolf - a golf-style game that's not a sequel to the derp-filled fest that was the movie BASEketball. In the vein of disc golf, it replaces the tiny white ball and bag of expensive clubs with a soccer ball and my good kicking leg. Meadow Park Golf Course on the edge of Lakewood has an 18-hole FootGolf course with tee boxes, green bunkers, hazards and 21-inch diameter cups. The game scores just like a regular round of golf on stroke play and each full kick counts as one swing. Putting works the same way except my leg has to make a full motion no matter how close it is to the hole. Basically, if you can kick a golf ball in a fit of spittle-filled rage, you can easily pick up FootGolf. I, on the other hand, utter more curse words than an episode of Deadwood.

FOOTGOLF, Meadow Park Golf Course, 7108 Lakewood Dr. W., Tacoma, $8-$10.50, 253.473.3033