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Saturday, May 17: Queen Victoria Birthday Celebration

Fort Nisqually Living History Museum

Queen Victoria

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Helroooo! This is Her Royal Majesty Queen Victoria inviting all of you peasants to come celebrate my greatness at the - You there! I say, put down that wiener on a stick while your Queen, addresses you! We are not amused at your inattention! Now where was I? Oh, yes ... one was inviting the commoners to gather to commemorate the glorious occasion that was my birth on the - no, no, no! I'm afraid this will never do! My sublime entry into this world was on the 24th of the month of May, and NOT on the 17th! Who must I speak to in order to correct this assault on my Royal Personage? We are not amused by such whimsical indifference of facts! Must I come down there myself to put things to rights? I will, you know! And I shall bring the Royal Navy with me! Just because I am a woman doesn't mean I cannot rule the British Empire! ... huh-hmm. I'm afraid I have gotten quite off-track. Anyway, there will be games to play, such as croquet. One can only hope that such a genteel pursuit will rub off of those of your class. Tea and cookies will be served and guests will be given pointers on 19th century manners?! One does approve! This will no doubt be part of the same program in that "reenactors" (whatever they may be. Another word for unwashed Yankee rubes, perhaps?) will be "cooking in the kitchen, toiling in the laundry, spinning wool, and hammering in the blacksmith's shop." And about time, too, I say! It's time you Colonists learned the meaning of intestinal fortitude, such as one has had to endure in her long life. My poor Albert up-and-dying, leaving me alone to guide the shining, glorious British Empire to greatness, but still having to put up with all this Prince-Albert-in-a-can nonsense! We are not amused by such cheap japes! Especially one begun in America regarding a "tobacco product" made at the expense of a great man! Once, in a more sophisticated era, my birth was celebrated by my subjects through out the British Empire, including in the states! Proper respect and etiquette was paid, and I was revered by all as the representative of God on Earth. And if you didn't worship me as intended? YOU WERE IN FOR A RIGHT BLOODY FLOGGING, YOU WERE! I still have my cat-o-nine-tails and I'm not afraid to set sail over there and give you a proper lashing! I will be arriving on your shores in six to eight months and then, by Jove. ... Oh my! One must apologize for expressing such strong sentiment in the public pages of this forum. It is a disgraceful breach of protocol. Perhaps one shall just finish up this review of one's birthday celebration (even if they can't get the bloody day right!) and be done with it. Yes, that is for the best. ... I see that there will be a "musical group" by the name of Lark in the Dark from the Island called Vashon. Oh, dear! That does not sound very proper at all! One decrees that there shall be no larking about - in the dark or otherwise - during my celebration! You disagree? BRING ME MY CAT-O-NINE-TAILS! That was just a small jape. Ha. A-ha. Ha. See? We're all good subjects here. Except for me, your Queen. Who now finally feels ready to enjoy this festivity celebrating my magnificence... unless there are bagpipes. There are?! We are not amused! - Queen Victoria

QUEEN VICTORIA BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., Fort Nisqually Living History Museum, Point Defiance Park, 5400 N. Pearl, Tacoma, $5, 253.591.5339

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