When the science fair notice arrives at the Swarner household, I wish to be deported to a camp 60 miles south of Vegas. These are dangerous times, my friends, especially for those living in Tacoma's Northend neighborhood. My tweener and I don the white lab coats and flirt with the possibility of making the 11 o'clock news. What is the maximum amount of dirty clothes our washing machine can hold without exploding? Do bees get mad when we knock down their nests with a rapid fire of Littlest Pet Shop characters? What happens when you stick mom's hair chopstick into an electrical outlet? How many times can we run around the playset after an all-sugar breakfast before Western State Hospital is summoned? Heady stuff in the realms of science, don't you think? You're right. Therefore, we attending the Pierce County Library's Science Fair Success lecture before attempting experiment. The event offers tips and tricks for making a top-notch science fair project, provides library resources, and demonstrates a few successful experiments. This is good news for the Good Hands People.

SCIENCE FAIR SUCCESS, 7-8:30 p.m., University Place Pierce County Library, 3609 Market Place W., Suite 100, free admission, 253-548-3307