Daniel Furry Friend, my Olympia sidekick (don't tell Bandito Betty), surprises me at every attempt, and without fail. Note our recent morning text session:

Me: Are you working today?

Dan: No, I actually just got to the China Clipper for a few cocktails. Come play.

Me: Damn. It's 8:30 a.m.!

Dan: It's a classy bar, ya know. I'll be here for a couple of hours.

Me: I'm on my way. Don't be too drunk yet.

Dan: OK!

And that, gentle readers, is how a midday hangover begins at the China Clipper Cafe, home of Olympia's Best Karaoke as voted by Volcano readers.

What better way to catch up on Olympia gossip and make further plans to take over the world with my Olympia sidekick than to partake in three lethally strong alcoholic beverages served by a beautiful bartender named Karin? Unless of course we were all naked. That would've been the only thing to make our scenario more appealing. And sitting on piles of money. Yeah, that too.

Drinks, nakedness and cash. I think I just found the name for my next all-girl Eazy-E tribute band.

DRINK ONE: Bartender's Choice: Irish ABC

Sweet Baileys mixed with Jameson and Amaretto inside a swill of hot coffee. If the alcohol content wasn't going to get me, the sugar high definitely would. I licked my chops obsessively after each sip to deter sugar crystallization on my lips. I think it helped, but a guy at the bar kept blowing me kisses in return.

DRINK TWO: Most Popular Drink in the Last Hour: Screwdriver

"If you don't hurry up with that coffee, your drink is going to turn into Crown Royal," Karin said from behind the bar. I may have been nursing the coffee drink, but I definitely didn't want to drink Crown this early, so I gulped away.

Admittedly, I had Dan help me with the screwdriver. "There's a reason they call this place The Crippler," he reminded me. Damn their drinks are strong!

DRINK THREE: My Choice: Bloody Mary

It was such a relief to swig Karin's made-from-scratch Bloody Mary. Mmmm, my favorite breakfast meal of all time. I watched her fill the glass with 75 percent vodka and  brief splashes of tomato, Worcestershire and Sriracha sauce. 

Crippled from the Clipper's drinks? Yes. In love with a midday hangover? Not so much.

[China Clipper Cafe, 402 Fourth Ave. E., Olympia, 360.943.6300]