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The Schooner Pub & Eatery

Locals and clubbers off the starboard bow

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The Schooner in Lakewood is a bar. The word schooner can refer to a type of ship or a large glass, usually meant for beer. The Schooner in Lakewood is made to look like a ship and they sell large glasses of beer. Any questions, matey?

Stepping into the Schooner is like stepping below the deck of an 18th century sailing vessel. The whole place is lined with dark, polished wood. Paintings of old-timey ships line the walls. Crowded with comfy leather chairs, a section of the bar called the Captain's Quarters is a tempting spot for a tired sailor to take a lie down after one too many rum and cokes.

When I arrive at the Schooner, the mood is mellow. A plaster statue of a gorgeous sea maiden greets me at the entrance.  Blue-collar, mustachioed men in their 40s hang by the bar. Gus, the Schooner's DJ, plays classic rock. Locals cry out drink orders to their favorite bartender. What little action there is takes place over by the bar's appropriately colored (stained wood rails, blue felt) pool tables.

I strike up a conversation with Jim, a local who calls the Schooner his second living room.

"You picked a hell of a night to review," Jim says, eyeing the sparse crowd. "Saturday nights are usually packed."

Giving Jim and the Schooner the benefit of the doubt, I lounge around in the Captain's Quarters drinking cheap beer and waiting for the place to pick up. Toward midnight, the dance crowd sails in. The music switches to Top 40 hits. The pool-playing locals slowly disappear into the night, squeezed out by tight skirts and gelled hair. I watch an attractive young woman turn down a request to dance. 

By 1 a.m. the Schooner is a full-scale party boat. People everywhere are chatting, hugging, dancing and flirting. I can't help thinking that a sea chantey would put a perfect cap to the evening. Yo ho ho and a Bottle of Rum? Some Jimmy Buffett? Unfortunately, my chantey never comes. That's OK, it was still fun. I head outside, catch some strong Easterlies and point my bow homeward.

The Schooner Pub & Galley

11 a.m. to 2 a.m. daily
5429 100th St. SW, Lakewood

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