Who’s your daddy?  Chuck’s my new daddy.  I bet my new daddy is better than your daddy. He gives me beer.

Chuck welcomed me to his McKinley Hill bar, the Brass Lantern, and didn’t even flinch.  He and his loyal patrons didn’t question my motives, didn’t look me up and down, and acted as though I had been their friend all their lives. 

I bellied up, ordered my beer, and proceeded to witness Chuck joke around with everyone around me, taking hilarious insults to the gut like a pro.  I literally laughed out loud a few times. And no, it wasn’t because I was getting buzzed.

The place was a dive, yes, but it was a clean and friendly dive that I didn’t want to leave.  It was like I was sitting in a friend’s kitchen, and as a matter of fact I WAS sitting in their kitchen, literally. Right in front of me were the three microwaves, a refrigerator, and a coffee pot in an area knows as “ the kitchen.”  Chuck’s a smart guy, I mean, why create a menu when you can just cut out the box covers all the frozen foods came in and tape them to the wall?  That’s one smart motherfucker, that Chuck guy.

I was intrigued by the amount ‘70s era home refrigerators in the Brass Lantern.  Behind me was one, and two more in front of me. 

I asked my new daddy Chuck what the hell he had in the random fridge in the middle of his barroom floor.  His answer was, “It’s empty.”  Then why did he have it in the first place?  He told me he had bought it from a friend, so why not have it there?

And they say women shoppers are bad.

Brass Lantern

4034 Mckinley Ave., Tacoma, 253.473.8543
Beer: six domestics on tap
Food: Only the finest frozen Costco selections
Service: You’ll love Chuck.
Bar Exam Dive Grade: B-