Other than the time an anonymous Weekly Volcano employee pooped on my desk, I have never been more sickened and appalled by something.  That is, until I received notice that Harbor Lights had NOT yet been visited for 3 Drink Minimum. 

Yes indeed, my fair alcoholic friends, it was a sad, sad day in the South Puget Sound when I realized Tacoma's famous bar known for having the "stiffest drinks in town" had not yet been warmly embraced with a Weekly Volcano bear hug.  My heart hurts with pity at the thought of this, and I think every 3 Drink Minimum reader should take a moment to hang their heads in prayer for any drunken Harbor Lights moments lost in neglect. 

Or you can just hang your head and play with your iPhone while you pretend to pray, like I do.

Drink One: Manhattan (bartender's choice) - On any Tuesday through Saturday night, guests can enjoy the Alli and Kia show as presented by Harbor Lights. They can also enjoy mass drink consumption.  Participants are put into trances by Alli and Kia and their broad smiles, welcoming banter, and shiny glasses in which they bring you powerful potions - strong enough to take you down in a single swig.

Normally I would've been pissed off as hell about being served a Manhattan as my first drink, but these broads were so damn nice that I simply couldn't bring myself to get angry. 

Oh, and by the way, one might ask, "But Steph, how on earth can someone make a shot of whiskey like a Manhattan, even STRONGER?" 

Well, there's a simple answer here:  Alli made the Manhattan even stronger by handing me an extra shot of whiskey right beside the drink.

Sneaky little bitch.

Drink Two: Mai Tai (most popular drink within last hour) - It came in a huge-ass glass that looked like a 1976 crystal bowl I tried to sell for fifty cents at my dead grandma's garage sale last year.  I gasped as I noted the one-inch-float of brown alcohol atop the already flammable Mai Tai concoction. 

Drink Three: Red Wine (my choice) - Even the glass of wine tasted stronger than normal.  Alli told me the name of this wine at least three times, but I can't remember what she said. 

I do, however, remember not remembering anything after the wine. - Steph DeRosa

[Harbor Lights, 2761 Ruston Way, Tacoma, 253.752.8600]