Mandolin Cafe

Where: 3923 S. 12th St., Tacoma, 253.761.3482
Hours: 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Monday-Thursday, 6 a.m. to midnight Friday, 8 a.m. to midnight Saturday, 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. Sunday
Cuisine: Coffeehouse fare with sandwiches, quiche, soups, salads and desserts
Scene: A gathering spot for students studying calculus, vibrant flamenco guitar music, business people updating their Web sites, Tacoma French Club, family lunch, teens texting on comfy couches, in a warm interior with a cool fireplace.
Drinkies: Coffee drinks, tea, beer and wine
Damage:  Moderate

ANNOUNCER:  Hello and welcome to the tale, a magical place where all are welcome and the staff aim to put a smile on your face. Where whether it be breakfast, lunch or dinner — whatever you order, you’ll be a winner. Say you want to get up, try their delightful array of coffee and teas today. Say you want to get down, sample a wine or a micro brew and erase that frown. Not ready for your date to end, Mandolin Café could start a new trend — dessert for your chops instead of shots at last call. Live music, free wi-fi and pie, can be had by all.

JAKE: Are you serious? You start us off rhyming like the giant Fezzik in Princess Bride? Wow. (Shrugs and looks at his brother, who is obviously in on it if his smirk means anything). Soup du jour at the European style bistro and coffee house Mandolin Cafe is a treat. There are always two and they’re always quite different. Black bean chipotle lime soup was just this side of too hot. The lime flavor really shone, and the beans were cooked down to a thick mush. B+. Hungarian mushroom soup knocked my socks off. Large quantities of sliced mushrooms, minced white onion, bits of carrot and green onion swam in a rich, thick, buttery stock. My initial thought was that the soup was too salty, but my taste buds were playing tricks on me like that song by the Ghetto Boys. It was an underlying tartness that led me to believe lemon juice was used. Paprika lent its signature zing. A+.

JASON: My slice of quiche was so light and watery that I wondered if those egg substitute eggbeaters had been used. Bits of ricotta (or possibly cottage cheese) and herbs and nice size chunks of tomato added great flavor. I didn’t even think to ask for a sour cream dollop. The very top of the crust was buttery and flakey, but the rest was spongy from a trip to the microwave. I know microwaves are a necessary evil, but man does it wreak havoc on some items. Quiche is supposed to be firm.

JAKE: What is it with you and crust? Your new name is Crusty McJay. I hear ya on the microwave. I’d wait longer if it meant an even reheating method.

JASON: Crusty McJay. Hmmm that has a nice ring to it. So be it. You know what doesn’t have a nice ring to it? The incessant barking of employees alerting people to their orders being ready and on the bar for pick-up. Can’t they figure out a better system? I mean geez, I’m being lulled into a sugar and jazz coma of contentment right as the counter traffic picks up, and then every five seconds they’re yelling about a pot of tea, a coffee, a sandwich, a lost child, your pizza’s ready, the doctor will see you now, clean up in aisle three, don’t forget to pack the kitchen sink and there’s no waiting at window two. It’s maddening and distracting. Argh.

ANNOUNCER: Not to make light of Jason’s observations, but he may or may not have recently quit smoking and may or may not be ultra sensitive (read bitchy) right now.

JASON: Oh thanks, make it sound like I’m just a moody whiner. I watched an elderly couple wince each time an order was called out till they finally moved as far from the counter as possible. 

JAKE: Whiner, heh. The fresh case with all of the panini and croissants and salads is a beacon to a starving soul. Usually I get the chicken salad with apple slices and walnuts, but today the chopped chicken salad over a bed of wild greens would not quit calling my name. Rough chopped chicken breast, celery, herbs and mayonnaise seemed like caviar with MSG dumped on top. I couldn’t get enough. Crisp cucumber rounds and plump tomato wedges made good scooping devices. After I ate the chicken salad out of the middle, I dumped a seriously tasty honey mustard dressing on the remaining lettuce and got a clean plate award. It was like two salads for the price of one. My pot of green Moroccan mint tea with soy milk and honey was a nice compliment to the tart dressing — balancing it out while washing it down.

JASON: Its happy ending time. Single serving desserts range from $3 to $5. Lemon tart, divine. Chocolate shortbread and chocolate ganache, magnificent. Jumbo cookies, perfect for sharing. Smelling the coffee being freshly roasted was intoxicating. I kept finding myself breathing deeply like I was at yoga class. I’ll miss that when Valhalla Coffee moves to their new home on Sixth Avenue.

JAKE: I know; the scent of coffee is strongly masculine and earthy. Wait! You go to yoga?