I was like a kid in a candy store. Me being the kid, and Doug Mackey being the cherry sours I buy by the pound and eat by the handful. He had a sweet, shiny exterior, with a personality that begged to be consumed. Yet once my complex cherry sour Doug Mackey was cracked open — the soft, tart innards became exposed. And much like the cherry sour, I puckered my cheeks while grinning at the pleasant and powerful feeling I got upon first bite.



STEPH DEROSA: Doug, you are by far one of the best “hometown celebrities” I’ve met. You’ve been a part of countless operations throughout the Tacoma community. Now you’re pulling this Howard Hughes recluse shit and haven’t been seen around town as much. What gives?



DOUG MACKEY: I’m working on a few things, which I won’t mention right now. Tacoma will definitely be seeing more of me in the future.



DEROSA: Care to elaborate?


MACKEY: No.



DEROSA: No? Really?



MACKEY: Really.



DEROSA: Fine. You leave me with no choice. The badgering will now commence. What do you do for money, Mr. Recluse?


MACKEY: My wife works. My job right now is to be her husband. It’s the only job I’ve ever had where I can get away with sexual harassment.



DEROSA: Nice. Ever been arrested?



MACKEY: Nope. I probably should have, I have just never been caught.



DEROSA: Oooh, naughty! I like that! When was the first time you got drunk?



MACKEY: Backstage of a school play. It was with vodka, which I still enjoy.



DEROSA: First hangover?



MACKEY: May 18, 1980.



DEROSA: Seriously? An exact date? How the hell do you remember that?


MACKEY: I remember it because it was the morning St. Helen’s erupted.



DEROSA: Tee-hee! You said, “Erupted.”



MACKEY: How is that funny? You’re a pervert.



DEROSA: Yeah, right, like you’ve never been perverted. You act like you’re still a virgin.


MACKEY: I am still a virgin.



DEROSA: Lies! You mean no one has ever swiped your V-Card?


MACKEY: Nope.



DEROSA: Can I have the pin to your V-Card?


MACKEY: Hell no.



DEROSA: I can’t believe it. Pretty much everyone your age has done “it” to “Come on Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners.


MACKEY: “Come on Eileen?” Hell, that’s exactly how I was able to maintain my virginity!