Blue bagged and carried off site? Blogger “Wild Celtic Rose” talked about a camping trip she went on this weekend in Vantage, Wash., where their human waste (poop) had to be blue bagged and carried offsite. Say what?



Apparently the porta-potties were overflowing with human waste and hadn’t been attended to in a very long time. She stated it was too gross to even take a picture of. Although her lack of respect for my own personal love of toilets disappointed me, I kinda understood where she was coming from. To see a pile of human dung from multiple users would probably kick in the ol’ gag reflex pretty quick.



Two things were brought to my attention as I pondered her “blue bag” situation:



I’m a snobby camper. I dig RVs with private showers. If I do happen to tent, I prefer VIP camping with fresh, clean potties. Yeah, I could go poop in the woods, but something about bagging it up and carrying it away leaves me nauseated and repulsed.



What the fuck is up with blue bags? They make dog poop bags and dirty diaper bags blue. Is that the international sign for “poop is in here”? Wait — isn’t the Democratic party represented by the color blue as well? (Zing!)*



In my search to find the answer to why these bags are blue, I found out that mountaineers are privy to special poop bags. These sacks contain a liquid called “Pooh Powder” that absorbs “up to 32 ounces of liquid and solid waste allowing for multiple uses.” Oh, eww. I quickly envisioned someone climbing up a mountain with their sleeping bag, backpack, bottled water, trail mix, and then a big blue bag full of waste dangling heavily from their belt loop. It was swingin’ left and right, slapping the side of his leg, twisting itself up, sometimes getting in the way. Then the mountaineer would get irritated and say something like, “Damn this poop bag! I’m never eating fiber toast before a climbing trip again!”



So, yeah, I know I’m supposed to be sitting on some toilet somewhere pondering life’s idiosyncrasies and why people hate me so much, but I got so dang distracted by the blue poop bag thing this morning that I just had to share it with you. All seven of you.



Besides, isn’t the appropriately named venue of “Toilet Tales” the most perfect place to debate such nonsense? Seriously, nobody comes here to read “Toilet Tales” and expects a thesis on the post-modern acts of Christianity. Except maybe that “beerboy” guy who used to comment here. What an asshat. He took life, and my writing, way too seriously. Lord knows I sure don’t.



In lieu of a toilet picture this week, I give you one of the best potty jokes ever: “Bacon Dispenser.” That right there, to me, is pure hilarity. It’ll never get old.



*Don’t get your panties in a wad. I’m an equal opportunity offender. God Bless America.