Hear ye, hear ye, all of thee lubbers on the land.



We are the pirates here in town who have taken command.



We come from waters o’er the land, so very far away.



We’re in pursuit of treasure, and we are here to say:



We feast so fine, bellies wide, and we’re thirstin’ on the grog.



Our eyesight’s keen, we’re very mean, and we do quite well in fog.



We set our sights on this fine port, the one that you call the Thea.



And we met your city first and well, spraying our pee-ah.



We read ahead and figured out just how to find the ladies,



A sailor’s always in need, we need girlies for our mateys.



So our men took to the land, with their sea-legs a-walkin,



And we set our compass on the Lakewood, for some fine a-stalkin’.



They waited for an hour or more for what you call a cab,



And arrived at your Weekly Volcano for the two ladies we would nab.



Storming in we found them there, one blonde and the other with black.



We forced them to wear the pretty dresses to show off their fine rack.



We took their tiny waists in the clutches of our hands.



Then we stuffed them in the cab, making them obey demands.



Natasha she was feisty, and she bitch slapped big old me.



Carmen kicked us in the balls, which was a sight to see.



But soon those darlin’ scrumpets did indeed give in.



For we are mighty sailors and they knew they’d never win.



Now these little pretties are hostage on our tallest ship.



And if you want to see them again, here’s a little tip:



When you see us in your town, pirates or sailors fine,



Be kind to us, take us in, and let us drink your wine.



Give us all your fancy wares and the treasure that we seek.



Or we’ll keep that Carmen and Natasha for week after week.



I know that you’ll adhere on land, because I can tell you this:



Those pretty, surly women, I’m sure you’ll dearly miss.



So now I’ll say goodbye to you, because I need some time to choose.



But picking between two fine lasses …



A pirate cannot lose.



Ahhhh-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!



Tell me where you like to party at sceneofthecrime@hotmail.com.