Ahoy, me hearties. Tis me, Cap’n Rumgut. Aft much addled planning and even more shipshape hype, Tall Ships Tacoma finally be upon us.



Shiver me timbers and gangway, mateys! Tis a time like no other. Wenches and lasses alike be tickled wit’ excitement. Store keeps, sutlers and swag merchants be gearing up for t’ madness. Members of t’ Weekly Volcano staff be ready to splice t’ mainbrace for days on end. Landlubbin’ corporate newspapers from all around t’ port known as Grit City be offering der poxed bilge about what you should do.



Belay, says I! What know they? T’ only opinion worth listening to during Tall Ships Tacoma be the voices of Cap’n Rumgut and me surly crew, who’ve taken t’ Weekly Volcano prisoner and soon be forcin’ Pappi Swarner, Matt Driscoll, Daniel Blue, Steph DeRosa, and t’ entire Volcano staff to kiss t’ gunner’s daughter. From me Tall Ships Tacoma crow’s nest, me sees all der be to see. Here be a look at how to enjoy Tall Ships Tacoma from t’ deadlights of a pirate.



Arrrrrr.

Where to blow yer booty

Avast, ye scoundrels! A group a’ local merchants are handin’ out doubloons for ye Tall Ships volunteers and sea dogs, and the rest a’ ya r’ invited to drop a few coins at 14 special shops in downtown Tacoma. If y’ ask me, this Julie Bennett of urbanXchange clothing store, who looks like a right fine and proper lass, has the soul of a dirty pirate if ever me laid eyes on one. This little Jenny will be sendin’ out somethin’ called a discount coupon for sailors, but they look like doubloons to me. All the rest a’ t’ landlubbers can find some nice prices at them shops too. Sum a’ them have names we like — Commencement Bay Coffee Co., Buzzards CDs, Doyle’s Public House, the Harmon Brewery, Ye Old Spaghetti Factory, and Woody’s on the Water, which is the same name a’ the place me got the rot from that wench in Key West.



The rest of them have names that be givin’ me the Davies. But they do sound like a place an old coat might be gettin’ ’imself a bachelor’s wife while he’s docked. They’ve names like Tacoma Art Supply, Embellish Multispace Salon, Corina Bakery, Tacoma Glass Blowing Studio, Grassi Garden Café, hello cupcake, The Swiss (I be hatin’ me a Swiss lass!), TwoKoi (I be lovin’ me a Japanese Jilly!), urbanXchange, The Varsity Grill, 21 Commerce, and The Loft.



This Bennett says there will be an old salt on the Bridge of Glass to hand out leaflets about which shops be offering breaks for ye and that there be a map on it. She said somethin’ about some land pirates callin’ they selves Local Life, fer whatever that be worth, but me was too sheeted to remember the rest.

Where to get yer lever yanked

Avast, public humpateers and grog nozzles! One a’ me vexes is bein’ in port with no place to take care a’ me personal pleasures. When me an’ me fellow gentlemen of fortune are in port, the first thin’ me do is look for places to do what ye dogs do — a place ta swill a little and maybe take a Jenny to crack her teacup wit’out havin’ to spare coin for a bed. Me be hearin’ that Tacoma has places where ye get the irons slapped on for bein’ loaded to the gunwales or for takin’ a lass t’ tha land of love. So me took a tour a’ tha place lookin’ for secret spots I can settle down when the rooms run out. Savvy? Here be a few:



Thea’s Landing, which is by the shiny cone and looks ripe for plunderin’, has a twisty bit a’ stairs with plenty of corners and spots to duck when the law comes. The sounds in t’ place echo, so be sure to keep quiet if this be t’ place you set up. The Convention Center, where the hornswogglers conspire, also has stairs and a parkin’ g’rage to get lost in f’r a few. On Market Street, where the bus folk roam, there be a parking g’rage as well with many floors and stairways to duck into. On A Street, behind the Wells Fargo Buildin’, there be an underground g’rage too that don’t be gettin‘ too many visitors.



Fireman’s Park has plenty of nooks for a quick pull o’ rum or a quick pull o’ yer lever. The parks in Tacoma sometimes draw visitors, but t’ scallywags who live there don’t seem ta mind as long as you don’t. Watch out for the dreaded Yellow Jackets, who arrr like privateers that be gettin’ paid to poop on yer God given right to get sloshed ’r slotted in public. Down t’ way, the bridge Murray Morgan is closed, so its far end is a great place to knock back some grog.

Lastly, there be condo shillers who be tryin’ t’ get landlubbers to roost in t’ boxes they built. Ask to take a tour an’ sneak into one a’ t’ open ones, and close t’ door and lock it until someone comes knockin’. Summa ’em even have beds and an icebox.

Where to fill yer belly

Starting from the stairrrs across the street from the Glass Bridge, ta yer left is Taco del Mar, Subway, the Harmon Brewery and Restaurant serving beer and sammies of all types, Abella Pizzeria with pizza, calzones and sammies, and farther down Pacific Avenue and across the street be the ritzy El Gaucho, the cheesy Melting Pot and a burger and teriyaki joint, respectively.



Ta yer right from the stairs is Starbucks coffee, a sweet little alternative café called Renaissance Café with breakfast fare and sammies, Grassi’s where the queen herself might eat upstairs from the gift shoppe, and around the corner the rrraw-fish and cooked Japanese delights of TwoKoi.



If ye head straight up the steps on your left ye will find a gem of a brewed bean spot called Metro Coffee. At the top of the stairs and across t’ street ta yer left is The Swiss Pub with a score of hot food fit for a seaworthy crew, and a few doors down The Rock Wood Fired Pizza rocks the pizza and other Italian delights. TA yer right from the top of the stairs you will find the ever-popularrr Old Spaghetti Factory and once again the Japanese miracles of TwoKoi.

Fer more eating idears, turn to page 21.

Who ta thank

Whether ya be guzzlin’ grog dis weekend or just enjoyin’ Tall Ships Tacoma wit’ yer wee ones, der be only one thing ta keep in mind — der be no Tall Ships Tacoma without t’ volunteers. More than 2,000 unpaid helpin’ hands will keep dis year’s festival afloat. From security guards to ticket takers, Tall Ships Tacoma relies on t’ volunteers to make things run smoother dan a jollyboat’s poop deck.



“Frankly, the festival wouldn’t happen without all of the volunteers,” say Matthew Erlich, who himself volunteers time with the Tall Ships Tacoma nonprofit that runs t’ festivities. “The event hinges on the people who’ve taken the time to help with this great festival.”



Everywhere ya look during Tall Ships Tacoma der will likely be a lass or a matey helpin’ ya enjoy ye self. Tall Ships Tacoma is a massive undertaking, begad! But under two dozen of Tacoma’s buckos arrrrrr actually paid fer they time. Every information booth, media center, ship escort, and smilin’ face in a Tall Ships Tacoma uniform will be manned by a scurvy dog crew of volunteer hands. In addition to der time at t’ festival this week, the volunteers all prepared with several training sessions leadin’ up ta t’ event.



“It should run smoothly, but once it starts it is an event,” say Erlich.



“I think it’s fun to see there was such enthusiastic interest from the volunteers. We need all of the volunteers, and we’re certainly happy to have them all.



“Tacoma and Pierce County receive a tremendous benefit from hosting Tall Ships,” continue Erlich. “Tall Ships is a tremendous opportunity for the region to present itself to the state and world. It’s just an exciting time.”



Fer all the Tall Ships Tacoma information ye can shake a wooden leg at, be at www.tallshipstacoma.com.

Shorrre Leave

A general roool in almost any volunteer-run organization is dat 10 percent of the buccaneers do 100 percent of th’ work. At the beginning, during the planning stages of community events like Tall Ships and “Shorrre Leave Weekend,” everyone is excited as a pirate with a full barrel of rum. Buccaneers are ready to volunteer themselves for just about any task. Unfortunately, as the deadline for completing these tasks draws nearerrr, the commitment level heads for Davy Jones’ Lockerrr. And who’s left to guide the ship to porrrt (so to pirate speak)? That’s right, 10 percent of the original crew.



At least six months ago th’ Go Local! Tacoma gang were well on der way to full planning of Tall Ships “Shore Leave” weekend. Merchant and organization booths were programmed and set ’n place, marking a full roster for Tollefson Plaza’s “Shore Leave” celebration this upcoming Fourth of July weekend.



Months ago, and at the same time as the Go Local! Tacoma gang was meeting; Tall Ships volunteerrr Capt. Dick Collins was stepping up and preparing for a position dat was going to involve a lot more work than he anticipated. Together Tall Ships and Go Local! Tacoma rode a bumpy sea.



Me happy to report that landlubbers like Downtown Merchants President Patricia Lecy-Davis, Collins, urbanXchange owner Julie Bennett and the other 10 percent buccaneers have organized a Shorrre Leave this weekend that me thinks is worrrthy.



The following is me list of Tall Ships Tacoma-related events that deserve ye attention.

Thursday, July 3

7:30 p.m.

Shorrre Leave Celebration: Join other buccaneers for a Captain’s Parade from the Tall Ships Tacoma, across the Bridge of Glass, to Tollefson Plaza (South 17th and Pacific Avenue). Expect chalk artists, live music, drummers from neighborrring Twokoi Japanese Restaurant, and an outdoor juried arrrt shew.

Friday, July 4

All Day

Freedom Fair: Food, air show, fireworks, music — it be Tacoma’s huge 4th of July festival along the Ruston Way Waterfront.

1-4 p.m.

Tall Ships Festival Community Workshop: Artist Diane Kurzyna makes light o’ me and me mates under the title: Beware of Pirates and Sea Sirens. Kurzyna leads the pirate- and mermaid-themed community workshop inside the Museum of Glass (1801 Dock St., Tacoma).

Saturday, July 5

9 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Annual Museum Storrre Tent Sale: De Museum of Glass hosts a sale of sea-related glass items, as well as other glass art.

8-11 p.m.

TacomaOpolis: Julie Bennett of urbanXchange sponsorrrs this all-ages interactive and thought provoking fashion show to benefit The Helm and Fulcrum Gallery. It be held at 729 Court C downtown. Me glad to see live music and a bar wid ID therrre tooo. It be $15 perrr perrrson.

7:30 p.m.

Magic Lantern Show: Me thinks dis be a yo-ho-ho event. Me ancestors use to see dis kind of show. Magic Lantern is an early form of projectorrr, like a slide show, throwing an enlarged image of a transparency on a white screen. Me hears dis show will include travel scenes, dramatic story slides, moral tales, song slides, religious and patriotic themes, and comic pictures. It be free at the Pythian Temple (926 Broadway).

Sunday, July 6

Noon to 4 p.m.

Annual Museum Storrre Tent Sale: De Museum of Glass hosts a sale of sea-related glass items, as well as other glass art.

5 p.m.

Live music: Kimya Dawson of Moldy Peaches and the Juno soundtrack fame, kicks it with Heathers and Ghost Mice in People Park (1100 S. Ninth St.).

7 p.m.

The Black Pirate: Aye! Now ye talkin’. Produced in 1926, dis swashbuckling nautical silent film starrring Douglas Fairbanks will be accompanied by pipe organist Dennis James. See me mate’s story on page 27. It be at the Rialto Theater (310 S. Ninth St.). It be a benefit for First Night Tacoma.