Ahoy, ye scurvy dogs. I’m Benjamin Bill, chief cook of the Boundary Blue. We have kidnapped Steve Dunkelberger, the mold-covered slime of a louse who usually fills this space.

He is clasped in irons below deck of this here ship after we keelhauled him under our motorboat.



It was a bit messy once he hit the propeller, but no one will notice as long as he wears a hat.

It was his own fault, so I don’t feel bad. We were going to give him a mere 20 lashes with the cat o’ nine tails, but then he gave us a buy one, get-one free coupon and asked for seconds.

Me thinks he liked it too much, so we had to come up with another punishment for his crimes.

But even the keelhauling seemed to give him a thrill, since now he is playing his ukulele and rattling his chains to the tune of “Margaritaville”.



We are suffering more than he did when he was being dragged under the boat — although that uke has a nice tune. I can tell he has been practicing now that he is a member of WASSUP, the Washington Association of South Sound Ukulele Players that meets every fourth Tuesday at Tacoma’s A Rhapsody in Bloom. That’s just a rumor, that is. But I hear it’s a hip place to be part of the growing uke invasion.



But while he is strumming away, someone has to write his column. I drew the black spot, so here I’m typing with my hooked hand and eyepatch over me bad eye.



While we pirates be known for plundering and pillaging villages, we do have our softer side when we get a dram of mead in us and enough shore leave to see a show.

Sail riders have a few options this week worth a look-see.



The first show to see from the poop deck, which I’ve come to learn is not the bathroom, is Paradise Theatre’s production of Swinging on a Star.



Don’t be hornswoggled into thinking there is a playground on the set. Swing is a type of music, truth be told.



This Johnny Burke musical brings some peg leg tapping music woven into various settings and scenes from a smoky speakeasy during the mob days of Chicago, where we pirates weep after hearing such songs as Dr. Rhythm and What’s New. Then there be the trip to the Bowery for the classic Pennies from Heaven, which is like pieces of eight from what I gather. The ever-popular Your Hit Parade takes a voyage into the 1930s and then to the clashing times of World War II for a tribute to sailors and landlubbers alike.



The show features Carrie Nelson, Valerie Jolibois, Krista Curry, Stacee Cramer, Adam Randolph, George Ngo, and K. James Koop.



[Paradise Theatre, 7:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday, 4 p.m. Sunday, $7-$20, 9911 Burnham Dr. N.W., Gig Harbor, 253.851. PLAY, www.paradisetheatre.org]

Shakespeare In the Parrrrrking Lot

For a show more piratical, Shakespeare In the Parrrrrking Lot will be staging its ninth production, The Tempest: Tall Ship Love and Caliban’s Revenge. Pirates and fair-haired wenches can watch the not-so-traditional take on William Shakespeare’s The Tempest with a dash of Tall Ship Love as the play gets all nautical while spinning a tale of love, betrayal and forgiveness. Then comes the sequel, Caliban’s Revenge, a tragic comedy of survival that will make your parrot flutter. The shows run at Tall Ships Tacoma 2008 this weekend. Visit shakespeareintheparkinglot.org for details.