Yar! Gurglin’ Sid Cooke here to tell ye about this Green Ribbon Climate Somethin’ task force. Way I hear it, it’s a bunch of landlubbers who think the world is endin or something caus’a these greenhouse gases. Me mate Miles the Pork Storm is probably most a’ tha problem. But they nar be listenin’ ta me, an neither is Miles. So they came up with a bunch a reca … recome … a bunch a thins the king’s men and all you land-lovin sots can do to save the earth. Me, I don’t care if the seas swallow ye, cause I got me a boat.



So this Ryan Mello, Pierce County conservation director for the Cascade Land Conservancy, sounds like a Jenny when ‘e talks, but he be right smart about this climate thin, and he be usin’ a lot o’ words that I don’t give a rats’ nut about. Words like sustainable, and density, and transportation strategies and energy efficiency. An he be sayin he right got a plan that Tacoma can use to do dem’ thins. But he say ye ha’ ta belie in this global warmin’ gnosh if ye want ta’ do some about ‘em. 



“You need to assume global warming is real, and that oil is going to continue to get more expensive and harder to come by,” he be sayin. Arrgh, this be good ale I be drinkin’. “If you assume that is true, then these things will have many benefits for all of us.”



Yar, like not havin’ t be a slave on my ship, the Moorish Assassin, fr’ floatin’ around in my sea. Also this Mello that if all the businesses and people that live in Tacoma be  doin thins like this recyclin’, that it will be a much nicer place to live. And then, if more people come to live ere, and they build these “green” buildins, an’ if the kings of Tacoma help them be doin’ it wit somethin’ called … wait a minute … glug … glug … incentives, and then they be buildin em closer together and makin them en … u … gee ... ee … fish … ent, then more people will come ere, and then maybe more barrons and businesses. An’ that’s good, cause then me and me mates could come and pillage their stores and steal their women.



Them climate folk be havin’ five types a thins they be tellin the king’s   men that will help save the world if they do em. I don understand a word a’ ‘em, so I had me friend Old Stink write em for ye.



Type a thin one — City leading by a example – These strategies focus on specifik aktions to be taken by munipical gubment, calling on the City to take the lead in reducing greenhouse gas missions. For business, industry and residents to change behavior (note — ain’t business an industry da same? — Stink), they must first see readership from the City.



Type two — Moving people and stuff better — Transportation stracheties start with reducing the number of single okupancie vehicles both locally and from out a somewhere else. Encouraging ridesharing (Aye! Remember when we was ridesharing Karen McKeel ? — Stink) carpooling and the use of public transportation.



Type three — Enhancing compact/liverable nayberhoods — Strategies include starting a regional transfer of development rights program and implementing smart growth principles. And somethin’ called a Open Space Habitat and Recreation Plan.



Type four — Energy iffishency in our buildins, homes and industrys — Like increasing consurvation and expanding renewable enurgy sources.



Type five — Reuse and Recycle … everythin’ — These strageties seek to maximiz commershul and residential recycling, ramping up to 100 purcent recycling.



Avast Tacoma! Thems the plan. Hide yer children, cause me might be recycling em in Cuba.